TVF4: Vampires Gone Wild
by roxypony
Summary: ITS DONE! 100 reviews and counting, eek! the Gang takes an unexpected trip...ever read Lord Of The Flies? Yeah. Warning: contains EXTREME OOC-ness.
1. Reverse Honeymoon

Hope everyone's been good and not suffering from FOTB withdrawl. Roxy had a sickass Christmas and is now an official laptop owner. Whether or not this will amount to faster updates, we will soon find out!

* * *

When you're practically immortal, chances are you have better things to do than celebrate the new year. But if you happen to be Darren Shan, you'd love throw a huge party with an abundance of food, lights, an bright shiny things that make an old-fahioned Vampire toss his cookies.

After the Ski Vacation Near-Catastrophe, Last-Christmas-Chaos, and of course the Wedding From Hell, a certain half-Vampire officially knew better than to drag his socially challenged Mountain-mates into another human tradition.

(Rewind: we're several months after the Spider Wedding, when everyone was forced to clear out of the mountain for Madam O and Scary Grey Spider's honeymoon. However, they made it as far as the airport before realising their credit cards were expired. Apparently it takes approximately 3 months to apply for a new card if you're a Vampire. Luckily, marriage has transformed Madam Octa into a patient individual. So anyway, our story begins on Boxing Day 2009. Darren is hoping Madam Octa has forgotten the reverse-honeymoon plan. He plans not to discuss it in hopes of adverting the inevitable natural disaster that would occur if the Vampire gang was unleashed back into civilization... )

But with his can of Red Bull in hand and balls of steel, tempered by years among bloodsucking beasts, Darren Shan marched into the Hall of Princes to announce that there was NOT going to be a life-sucking soul-draining grey-hair-sprouting early-onset-schitzoprenia-inducing death-trap of a celebration of the New Year. Just so they knew.

Kurda was running around, smacking into walls and trying to remove his hot pink stocking into which his head had been stuffed by Mika. Mika was sitting on the couch with Arrow and Harkat, reading a truck magazine. (They were thinking of purchasing a second vehicle, to keep the Essie company.) Seba was desperately digging in his obviously empty stocking, determined to find the 500-dollar, brand new state-of-the-art, vibrating, tongue-polishing, throat-freshening electric toothbrush. (Arrow had pinky-promised him that it was indeed in there.) Larten was configuring his new cappucino-expresso-mocha-maker. Paris was carefully organizing his gifts in alphabetical order.

Christmas had been a slightly quieter event this year. Of course, cookies had indeed been made, but this year they were accompanied by an entire gingerbread village: a pink mall by Kurda, a cafe by Larten, a nice normal house by Darren, a pet store by Harkat, a giant hunk of dough by Mika and Arrow that was supposed to be Vampire Mountain, a skyscraper by Paris, and a lump of icing with 5 and a half jujubes stuck to it. Seba swore on his life it was a perfect representation of a dog. This charming arrangement lasted about 10 minutes before being messily devoured and slightly trampled. At least Darren had the sense not to bother with a Christmas musical production this year.

But before he could even open his mouth, Kurda yelled from atop the new back-massaging armchair:

"Darren! Daaaarren! Darrendarrendarrendarren! Darren!"

"What?"

"Guess what!"

"I just did!"

"Shut up...Kurda. I wanna...tell him!" Harkat exclaimed.

"ITWASMYIDEA!" Arrow snarled posessively.

"Be quiet. I will inform my student of our recently developed plan." Larten announced.

"Kill me." Darren muttered.

"For New Years-"

"We're going-"

"To..."

Silence.

"Where?"

"I don't know, I thought they knew!"

"We haven't decied!"

"I thought Harkat was picking it!"

"Well, Larten has not...downloaded the...restaurant guide yet!"

"...WHAT?"

"Don't WHAT me, you were supposed to order the GPS!"

"I thought we would have settled upon a location by yesterday!"

"So we're going somewhere. Like a vacation." Darren groaned. "The one time i don't make plans. You guys just can't help yourselves. I want to relax for a few years, not drag you guys all over the planet."

"You don't have to worry about me, Darren. Mika will carry my stuff for me." Kurda promised.

"Madam Octa desires her private honeymoon!" Larten protested.

"I wanna get out of this rock!" Arrow stated.

"I'm getting...bored of...the scenery." Harkat made a rare complaint.

"When do we leave?" Darren sighed depressively.

"Umm, how long would you estimate if we plan on sticking to our schedule?"

"I would say...8 minutes and...47 seconds?"

"Get packed, Darren." Paris advised the boy Vampire as he picked himself up off the floor.

* * *

i dont think this will be a long fic...i know ive done a vacation fic, but i wanted to get them outta the mountain for a stretch :)

youve been with me long enough to know your job.

*Roxxy,


	2. Securing the Parking Lot

wow, first chapter ever written entirely inside a moving vehicle! gotta love Christmas holidays.

**xoxoLostAngelCakexoxo** yeahh i just couldnt stand that fic anymore. hope i can end this one better!

**Akatsuki Child** dude, your wish has been granted ;D

**vampires-pen** lmfao, how could it be any other way?

and this isnt even a short chapter! you guys better be grateful ;D

oh, and i dont own the Hannah Montana lyrics, Ice Cream Freeze.

* * *

Darren was impressed with himself. 9 minuites ago, he had been sipping chocolate milk and planning on spending the next week doing relaxy-type stuff: running up and down the halls sliding on his socks, barbecue parties in the Pit of Flames, refereeing gatorade chugging contests, refereeing pretty much everthing else, cleaning out the fridge, online shopping, keeping Seba from swallowing the stuff under the sink, that sort of stuff.

However, as of right now, he was officially shoving the last of 17 pieces of luggage into the back of the Escalade. It was reverse-honeymoon time. Sigh... At least he got to ride shotgun. Someone had to read the road signs.

Harkat made the massive leap from the ground into the drivers seat, Paris, Seba, ad Larten secured themselves into the back seat, and Mika and Arrow presided in the middle row, squishing Kurda into the window. (To which he stated: "Don't worry, Mika. You smell pretty.")

And finally, Darren climbed in shotgun. He clicked te automatic garage door opener, (eBay has Do It Yourself Door Installer systems) and the 8 creatures of the night were officially released back into the world.

"WE'RE FREEEEEEEE!" Mika and Arrow bellowed.

"Seba's sitting on my beard comb!" Paris hollered.

"Do the ice-cream freeze, strike a pose. Then ya do the milkshake, shakeitshakeit down lowww! Do the snow cone sliiide, left to right. Putcha hands in the air, we can party all night!" Kurda added.

"First stop, airport?" Harkat inquired.

"No, first stop-"

"GAS STATION!" Mika, Arrow and Seba screamed joyfully.

They had never forgotten their memorable expedition to their very first gas station on the way to the airport back in the day of the ski vacation.

"Aiighty. Next one is..." Darren fiddled with the GPS. "...2 hours and 47 minuites from here."

"How long's that, Darren?" Kurda asked.

"2 hours and 47 minuites, genius." Mika informed him.

"If you had to wait...for your hair straightener...to heat up...167 times...that's how long...it is." Harkat calculated.

"But...Why would I need to heat it up that many times?" Kurda replied in alarm. "I have very fine hair, you know. Cosmopolitain said my type of hair is called _Baby Fine_."

"Baby brain." Arrow muttered, trying to kick Kurda, but instead sendng a very old coffee cup flying back to hit Larten.

"That is enough out of you." Larten snapped, kicking the seat.

"Mika, remember back in the day when Princes got respect?" Arrow yawned.

"Nope." Mika said, half asleep.

"Guys, start deciding what you want to order, cuz I don't want to be in line for long. Write it down-"

"I cannot write!" Larten moaned.

"-or draw it, or find someone to write it down for you. Then give it to me, and I'll run in and get it." Darren finished.

"Why do we not get to participate in the expedition inside the facility?" Seba puzzled.

"Um..I'll bring Harkat in with me to help me carry stuff out." (Seba looked aghast.) "But I have a special job for you, Seba." Darren added. "I need you to take Kurda, Mika, Arrow, Paris, and Mr Crepsley outside...to...um...secure the parking lot!"

"Darren, surely you do not mean I will be temporarily under Seba's command?" Larten moaned.

"Sorry Mr. Crepsley. Just for a few minuites." Darren promised. "I need you to make sure everyone gets back in the car in one piece."

"Sometime I forget whom is mentoring whom." Darren sighed.

"I was your mentor once, Larten." Seba growled. "I still own your soul."

Larten rolled his eyes and proceeded to sketch a very detailed picture of a coffee cup of moccachino and a chicken burger. Paris listed a variety of gourmet foods from which Darren could choose. Seba stated that he didn't care what sort of food Darren brought him, as long as it was slathered in barbecue sauce. Harkat requested a simple hot dog. Mika required a steak, and Arrow a triple bacon burger. Kurda craved a salad with a light dressing, totally free of calories. And lastly, Darren wanted nothing more than a good old Happy Meal.

2 hours, 47 minuites, a near-collision with a porcupine, and an incident where Seba became inadvertantly lodged in the sunroof and was rescued by Larten. ("You should have left him there. He made a good siren." Mika complained) the gang eerked to a stop in the parking lot of a mega highway rest stop, which featured a gas station, a gift shop, and about 20 restaurants. Darren groaned.

"OutoutOUT!" Seba shrieked "The parking lot must be secured, or-or-or..."

"Or?" Arrow asked.

"OR!" Seba answered, effectively ending the argument.

Leaving Team Seba to secure the parking lot, Team Darren went to case the joint. He had a feeling it would be a longer stop than he'd expected.

"First stop, McDonald's." he announced. From here, he would be able to procure meals for himself, Larten, and Harkat. And hopefully enough barbecue sauce to shut Seba up for a long, long, time....

After a gruesomely long wait in line, Darren was lucky enough to endure the exceptionally funny look he recieved after requesting an entire crate of barbecue sauce packets.

"I just lost all my barbecue sauce when my house burned down." Darren whined convincingly. "And I lost my, um, baby sister!" (he recieved several sympathetic looks. He continued:) "Her name was uh...Kurda! She loved her barbecue sauce! I can't believe she's just...GONE!" At this point he became too overwhelmed in fake tears to continue, so Harkat gathered up the barbecue sauce and the rest of the food, and they departed.

The next stop was a little fancy expensive French-type chalet which was strongly reminiscent of the ski resort's Le Petit Hfkghgj.

"Yeeeeeeus?" a petit waiter greeted them over the counter.

"Yeah hi. I need you to give me a...crack? Cat? Carbon? Harkat, what's that word? Ohh, Crab cakes with a light lime dressing, a goat steak, vert rare, and...oh jeez. Sardinian? Smithsonian? Help, Harkat. Scandanavian? Dammit Paris, learn to write. Okay... we need some Scandanavian Wintergreen Tea, with two cherries and a lemon wedge. Kay?" Darren finished.

"Yeeeus. Zat vill be ninty dollair." le petit waiter grunted, hurrying off to create Paris's delicacy.

Whilst waiting for the monstrosity to be cooked, Darren decided to check in with Parking Lot Security.

"What's shakin, L Creps?" he greeted in an attempt to blend in with the crowd of cellular device users.

"May I ask who is speaking please?" came the completely befuddled reply.

"It's me, Darren!" he hissed. "How's everything going?"

"The parking lot is secure, let us just leave it at that. Have you obtained our food?"

"Umm, almost. Everyone's alive out there, right?"

"I believe...SEBA, DO NOT LICK THAT! Yes, everyone is alive. I must go. Good luck to you, young Shan. Control. Confidence. Charisma. Remember this."

Click.

* * *

you know what?? CHAPTER 3 IS ALREADY HALF DONE!

so there.

*Roxxy,


	3. Chaos, Catastrophe, and Cats

Well arent I just little miss speedy :)

i would reply to the beautiful reviews i got, honest, but im tired, bruised, pulled an all-nighter last night, and cant seem to pull together the brain cells to make much sense. (dont worry, i did not write this chapter in my current state)

but someone did ask what a Reverse Honeymoon is? Madam O and her Hubby get a honeymoon after their wedding, right? so instead of going on a vacation, they kick the Vampires out of the mountain so they can spend their Honeymoon in peace and quiet.

Make sense? if it doesnt, ill try again when im more conscious.

* * *

It took 3 hours and 21 minuites, but the great Darren Shan finally procured the food requested from his crew. He'd triumphed over ridiculous lines, grumpy truckers, screaming babies, one of which landed on his head, and even a terrifying moment where Harkat was temporarily kidnapped. Turned out he'd been mistaken for somebody's uncle. But finally he strode mightily out of the facility, hoping against hope to see his friends waiting for him at the Escalade, but this pleasant fiction was not to be.

Firstly, it appeared that Seba had taken his orders, "secure the parking lot." to heart. The Vampires had established a "No One Enters, No One Leaves" policy. The first highway entrance to the parking lot was barred by the Essie herself, with Paris and Larten standing threateningly on the roof, and Kurda peeking through the sunroof. The second entrance was manned by Mika and Arrow who had hijacked somebody's Hummer.

In the center of it all stood an uncomfortable mass of people, wondering when they could leave. To the side of it all, a traffic jam on the highway was beginning to form. And to the left of the center of it all, stood Seba, holding a loudspeaker in one hand, and digging passionately in his ear with the other.

It took all of Darren's willpower to keep from crying.

"S...eee...ba?" he squeaked. "What the hell did you do? I told you to secure the...um...oh..."

The realisation dawned on him that Seba had followed his orders exactly. The one time he did exactly as he was told. Darren made a grab for Seba's loudspeaker.

"IF YOUR NAME IS SEBA NILE, MIKA VER LETH, ARROW...UM...YEAH ITS JUST ARROW, RIGHT? HARKAT MULDS, PARIS SKYLE, LARTEN CREPSLEY, OR KURDA SMAHLT, PLEASE DRIVE YOUR VEHICLES TO THE CENTER OF TH PARKING LOT. PLEASE TRY TO AVOID YOU ARRIVE AT THE CENTER, STEP OUT OF YOUR VEHICLE AND...NO ACTUALLY JUST STAY IN YOUR VEHICLE UNTIL I TELL YOU OTHEREISE. MOVE! IF I DID NOT CALL YOUR NAME, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ANYTHING HERE AND YOU MAY RESUME YOUR BUSINESS."

"Well done." said Harkat. "Control, confidence, and charisma."

"More like chaos, catastrophe, and some other bad thing that begins with C." Darren sighed.

"Christmas?"

"Nah."

"Cats?"

"How bout we find a word later."

"K." Hakat agreed.

When the civillians were safe, Darren stepped furiously between the Hummer and the Essie.

"If you are in the Hummer, please step out of the vehicle and take your seat in the Escalade."

"We arranged to have this baby shipped back to the Mountain." Arrpw said happly, patting the hood of his new vehicle. Darren did not want to now how it came to be in Arrow's posession.

Slowly and with many dagger-filled glares, Darren passed each Vampire his meal, then he reclined his seat all the way into Mika's lap, just to be annoying. He then sank into a narcotic bliss as he indulged in his first Happy Meal in who knows how many years. It even came with a toy. It was a pink My Little Pony, but it was an actual happy meal toy! Mika immediately tore into his steak, and had the whole thing gone within 2 minuites. Harkat savoured his hotdog happily, imagining the taste. Larten picked the lettuce off his chicken burger. Paris enjoyed his ridicuously overpriced petit meal but wished it was bigger. Darren informed him that if he wanted more, he could go in there and friggen get it himself! Arrow couldn't decide whether to eat the bacon and the burger together or seperately. Kurda scarfed his 0-calorie meal but wondered why it was tasteless. And of course, Seba was in complete ecstasy as he tore into packet after packet of barbecue sauce, licking it clean then dropping the package on the floor. He couldn't seem to find anything to complain about. Everyone seemed to be at ease, so Darren reclined with the Today's Parent magazine he'd picked up. Anything for a little advice. 5 articles and an hour and a half later, he had come to the realisation that his parenting flaws included lack of discepline, lack of control, lack of confidence (failed 2 out of 3 C's? Damn!) radically changing between over-estimating and under-estimating his children's abilities, and of course inability to present a positive role model. According to leading parental scientists, he had some work to do if he wanted his children to become outstanding citizens.

_Screw that_, he thought. His children were not just outstaning, they were something entirely else.

What were his children up to, anyway? He turned around to observe them. Turns out they'd finished their food, thrown any remainders out the window, and taken a well-undeserved nap.

"We gotta drive, all the hotels will be full!" Darren groaned, tapping Harkat, who was either in an exceptionally good sleep, or else ignoring him. "Wake up!"

All he got was Seba grunting something along the lines of "Uuhhhh damn you, nail clippers!"

"Fine, I'll drive." Darren gumbled. However, he proved unable to drag Harkat over to the passenger seat. "Mulds, we're getting you a treadmill when we go home. And I'm going to monitor your cookie intake."

And to further demonstrate his complete control of the situation, he reached a descision that Hell on Wheels could be a Hotel on Wheels. They could save money, and he wouldn't have to suffer the displeasure of cranky awakened passengers.

_Kiss this, Leading Parental Scientists!_

* * *

I know its short and not very New Yearsy yet, but its going somewhere, i think. This isn't one of the ones ive had in my head for 2 years, this one just tackled me.

Nyway, Im tired as fuck and broken to bits after flying off the back of a sled being pulled by a 4wheeler, about 20 times, narrowly escaping fracturing my hip, leg, arm, and everything in between. I have 14 bruises (i got them counted) and looking forward to doing it again. So, if i dont update within 5 years, assume i snapped my neck or got run over or some gruesome thing that happens to crazy badass hicktown kids. who knows, i might get on the news. not like anyone will know who i am... in case anyone missed it, my real name isn't actually Roxypony. to this day i dont even know where i came up with that particular pen name. heh, it works.

holy balls, digress much? too tired to keep my brain on track.....review, babes :)

HAPPY HUG DARREN MONTH!!!!!! the little thats left of it.

*Roxxy,


	4. Drivin Thru

kayy so this kind of a short sweet chapter i wrote on a road trip....it exhibits a profound lack of New Yearsyness. Ill get to it...

* * *

Darren was woken up rather suddenly by his seat being cranked forward so suddenly he narrowly escaped being snapped in half. The culprit turned out to be Arrow, who claimed he didn't know how it worked. The entire population of the Escalade was in an uproar.

"WHAT HAPPENED?" Seba howled.

"Where did we sleep last night?" Larten exclaimed.

"Um...here?" Darren said nervously.

"HERE? In this filthy parking lot? Ewwwwwwww." Kurda moaned.

"The doors aren't even locked, we could have been picked off by Vampaneze!" Arrow roared.

"Really, Darren, how would you feel if we all got killed off last night? What kind of fate would the Vampire world have then, huh?" Paris reprimanded. "We'd be screwed, thats right, srcrewed!"

"Ewwwwwwwww." Kurda continued.

"We could have succumbed to hypothermia!" Seba added.

"I had the heat on." Darren muttered.

"We could have suffocated." Larten added. "I do not see any open windows!"

"If I opened the windows, we would have succumbed to hypothermia!" Darren protested.

"Yeah." said Seba, unsure as to what he was agreeing with.

"Irresponsible little prick." Mika growled. Darren highly doubted he cared about sleeping in the vehicle, he just liked making things difficult.

"It is...ok." Hakat interjected. "Darren did...something stupid...but nobody got...hurt, and it...won't happen...again."

"It will not happen again, will it Darren?" Larten said threateningly.

"Nuh." Darren mumbled.

"Alright then." Harkat concluded. "Let's go...find some...breakfast."

This brightened the mood considerably. However, Darren's misery was only incensed. For it was time to instruct his "children" in the usage of a Drive-Thru.

***

"Okay, Harkat is slowly going to pull up to the speaker, which appears to be a metal cube with holes. You will hear a voice coming from said metal cube, do not panic. The voice is produced by an actual person who is located within the building. At this point, we will take turns informing the person what we wish to eat for breakfast. Following this procedure, Harkat will drive up to the first window, where I will pay an exorbitant fee for our breakfast. When the transaction is complete, we will drive to the second window, and we will recieve our food. Then we hit the open road again!" Darren instructed his comrades as they waited in the drive-thru line.

"Oh-kay!" Kurda said happily.

"Yup." Mika yawned. Being a young, hip Vampire, he had some experiece with such things, as did Arrow.

"Sounds fairly straightforward." Larten said, sounding slightly suspicious.

"The metal box is an abomination!" Seba informed Darren.

"Seba, what have I told you about judging before meeting?" Paris scolded.

Seba growled.

"Let's do this thing." Darren said determinedly.

Harkat stepped on it. The Essie squeeched forward slightly. The minivan ahead of them was currently occupying the metal box, taking a terribly long time. Kurda, however, mistook the garbage can for the ordering device, and proceeded to introduce himself. Mika rolled his eyes and rolled up the side window, thus ending Kurda's life story.

When they finally arrived at the actual ordering device...

"?"

Seba screamed like he was being stabbed to death and tried to jump out the window from fright.

"I WANT AN EXTRA LARGE MOCCACHINO, 5 CREAMS AND 6 SUGARS!" Larten yelled as loud as he possibly coud. "CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

"Ummm, can I haaaave..." Kurda twirled his hair. "...a diet water?" he said with a completely straight face. Darren was ashamed to know him.

"A hashbrown...and...cinnamon melts." Harkat said simply.

"Gimme about 8 of those cinnamon melt things, and a bacon burger." Arrow ordered.

"4 Cinnamon melts, and2 bacon burgers. And a steak." Mika added.

"WeDontHaveSteak." the voice entered the vehicle again, causing Seba to convulse.

Mika rolled his eyes, opened the window as wide as it would go, leaned all the way out, and ROARED into the metal box. He held the note for about 30 seconds, then calmly re-entered the Essie.

"SteakComingRightUpppp!"

"A small fries and fruitopia." Darren said feebly. "And about 20 packs of barbecue sauce." he added, thinking of Seba who was currently rocking and moaning in the back seat."

"A BLT and a McFlurry." Paris concluded.

"OkaaaayYourOrderComesTo70.47."

"Was that really so hard?" Darren said in a strangled voice.

"You tell me, dude. It looks like you popped a blood vessel in your eye." Arrow noted.

* * *

poooooor darren

i enjoyed writing this... hope you had a happy and safe new yeaaarr :)

PS, you can officially Become A Fan of ME, roxypony, on facebook. a link can be found on mah profile!!!

*Roxxy,


	5. Boing, Boing, Boing

Updation. wrote this in like 45 minutes tonight :) Just when I thought the weekend is over, I was able to crank out something to end it on a good note. I might have updated a few days ago, but i was randomly sniped by an evil flu-type thing in which i spent a night puking myself into oblivion. i honestly turned on my laptop at one point in an attempt to create some updation and to trick my brain into forgetting there was puking to be done, but it didnt work. So yeah. ANyway.

***

**goth-girl-in-pink **im glad :)

**roughdiamond5 **ummm yeah thats fuckin typical TVF for yah :) but seriously your reviews make my day. luv yah. dude i friggen LOVE BBQ sauce. but unlike dear Seba, i cant really eat it by itself...just a personal preference thing, lmao.

**Akatsuki Child **hehe, yeah i was creepin the parent magazines in my school library (parenting mags at school? wtf.) and thought, This would totally be useful for Darren. poor guy. Glad you likeeddd itttt :P

**vampires-pen **Oh its already happened :)

**imaginary-w3rewolv3z **me too man, me too :)

***

and i am kinda wishing i didnt try to make this a New Years fic.... but it will be, imma incorporate it somehow.

Ennjoooyyyyyy.

* * *

There were mixed feelings about arriving at the airport for the second time in their lives. Darren was nervous, Harkat was eager, Seba was nutty, Kurda was glamorous, blah blah blah. But what was different about this time was that they hadn't a clue as to where their destiation was. Last time, there'd been a purpose: they were headed to the mysterious land of Canada to indulge in a skiing vacation. Now, they were walking into a building and had no idea what strange and possibly terrifying country would be waiting for them when they exited. Mainly, nobody could reach an agreement about where to go. Darren wanted something with a daycare service and a relaxing spa. Kurda totally agreed with the spa idea, and demanded a place with 5-star boutiques and preferably an international fashion icon. Or Vegas. Paris wanted to visit every museum in existence to see how often he could find himself. Mika wanted to go back to the ski resort and hit the slopes. Arrow wanted to try extreme hunting (preferably in a Vampaneze-populated region.) Harkat wanted a place with a waterpark, or maybe a beach. Larten wanted an educational trip. And Seba was hell-bent on staying home.

Once inside the airport, Darren observed the list of incoming and outgoing flights in an attempt to figure out their ideal vacation spot. He'd heard France was nice this time of year. And there was that cute little pointy tower thing. China, now that looked interesting. Educational stuff for Larten and Paris, cute little gardens for Kurda, ancient battle stuff for Mika and Arrow... Or maybe an African safari. He could just picture the gang crowded into one of those caravan things... And of course there was Australia. He'd always wanted to see a kangaroo. He could just picture them bouncing around. Maybe he could even get Harkat to ride in one's pouch. Of course he would take picture, then frame it and hang it in the Hall of Princes. Cute little Harkat bouncing around with a cute little Roo. _Boing, boing, boing..._ Yes, Australia it was.

"Darren! Darrendarrendarren!" came Kurda's familiar squeal.

"We did...it!" Harkat added.

"All by ourselves! And I bet you didn't think we could figure it out." Paris added.

"Did...huh?" Darren tore his eyes away from the fligh schedule.

"Put our bags on the rolley thing!" Kurda said impatiently.

Darren couldn't process it.

"That thing." Mika pointed with a roll of his eyes.

Darren looked. And saw his suitcase on the rolley thing behind the baggage check desks, dissapearing into the little cave that led who knows where.

"You checked your bags?" he groaned.

Nods all around.

"All of them?"

More nods.

"You're supposed to know where you're flying to _before_ you check the bags." Darren infomed them slowly. The realisation hadn't quite dawned on him yet. Either that or he was taking this startling information extremely well.

"Oh, we know." Larten stated with great impatience. "That kind lady gave us little papers, I cannot read but I assume they have our location listed."

"May I see?"

Darren took the paper and observed. It was indeed baggage check receit. And at the bottom in bold unfriendly letters:

**LOCATION OF ARRIVAL: ORLANDO, FLORIDA, USA**

The sudden shockwave of mental images left over from a family vacation from another life; Creepy and disturbing enlarged cartoon characters, sharks (of which he was morbidly afraid) dolphins licking his hands, insane roller coasters, overpriced park food, crowded hotels, screaming children, dangerous water parks, beaches, hot tubs, water-skiing, cute little boats, and the chance to run around a hotel screaming like a normal kid...

"Let's do it."

"Yay!" said Harkat.

"Weeeeeeeeere goin to Floooordah!" Kurda chanted joyfully.

"Not like we have any other choice." Arrow grunted.

"I hope they have high-quality food." Paris worried

"All the fries, lemonade and hot dogs you can eat." said Darren. "But don't complain at me, you guys picked it."

"Gimme an F! Aaaaand an O! Aaaaaand an I! Aaaaaand an L! Aaaaaand a D! Aaaaaaaand and R! Aaaaaaand a D! Aaaaaaand an A! Wuzzat spell?"

"Um...Foildrda." Mika pronounced.

"Noooo." Kurda sighed peevishly. "It spells, FLORIDA, Mika. Like ohhhh myy gosh, learn to spell."

"K sweet." Mika concluded, flipping down his shades. Arrow did the same and they proceeded to walk at the back of the pack, like bodyguards. Harkat walked at the front, holding Darren's hand, dressed to look like your average 7 year old. Darren had made sure to wear his only Abercrombie shirt, and he blended in nicely. Kurda had on his white Dolce & Gabbanna shades and tried to imitate Mika and Arrow, but kept bumping into things. Seba walked carefully the middle, looking around suspiciously and deciding whether or not everything he encountered was an "ABOMINATION!". Paris played it cool, looking like everyone's favourite grandpa in his Hawaiian shirt and Birkenstocks. And Larten, of course, looked like none other than himself. He didn't even bother with a hat, and scowled when he heard a passing comment about "Crazy teenagers with their punk hair."

Hell yes, the Vampire Mountain gang was back, and ready to ring in the new year on some beach somewhere. They were going to take Florida by force.

But just for the record, Darren still had every intention of living out his kangaroo fantasy before he died.

* * *

Kay well chap 6 should be up within the week! i felt kinda Bleehhhhhh re-doing the whole airport thing from TVF1VOV, BUT it will be...kinda...unexpected. Take a wild guess as to what goes down. :)

and i have nooooo idea where the Kangaroo thing came from. I think it was the rice krispie square i ate.

AND, AND, AND,

ME AND ELENA FINALLY UPDATED ONYX.

if you have no idea what im talking about, its probably before your time. a little Mika-centric fic i wrote with a dear FF friend back in the day of Summer 08.... crazy good times. i wonder if that bunch of reviewers is still out there...if they are, i hope they come back, and if not, then you guys are just perfect :) ily all.

sooo check out Onyx, and head over to my facebook fan page. link on profile.

*Roxxy,


	6. Larten Does The Math

Haaaahhhhh yeaaahh! Upadation! proof that there is ALWAYS more time left in a weekend. If woulda posted sooner, but things got a little busy out here. But immmmm back!

**x-FruitySkittles-x** kay sweet :D heres to great times ahead.

**roughdiamond5 **omg seriously, you make my day, thats all i have to say to you :P

**Nyx's chosen one **he, youll have to wait n see. aww really? thanks! yeah i sound really immature back in the early days of TVF1VOV. stupid grade 9s :P

**daylightVampire **mmhmm, its suckage :( but thanks so much :D

**CarlisleCullenIsMyHomeboy12 **Heh, that they are, my friend, that they are.... xD

**Akatsuki Child **me too :P thanks!!!

Here we gooooooo.

* * *

"Seba, how could you?" Darren groaned.

"It was not my fault!" Seba howled. He had managed to get his finger hopelessly trapped in the side of his chair. The gang was currently chilling out in the waiting area, raising just a little hell.

"Who's fault was it?" Darren inquired with skepticism.

Seba's eyes darted back and forth suspiciously.

"Harkat." he decided. Harkat was in fact sitting 5 seats down, innocently reading a magazine.

"Uh. Huh. Well you stay put, I'm gonna go find some grease or somthing to kinda slide you outta there so the chair doesn't have to come to Florida."

"Try looking in Kurda's hair." Mika contributed. He was currently lying stretched out across 7 chairs.

"When we get to Florida, if he wears those shorts he got from eBay last week, I swear I'm drowning myself in the shark tank." Arrow declared

"If we even get to Florida." Paris grumped, looking out the windows. Snow was coming down by the shitload, and the planes outside were barely visible.

"Don't even think it." Darren begged.

"If our plane was...cancelled, we would...know by...now." Harkat comforted.

"Okay, well I'll be back in a few minutes. Don't let Seba panic, I don't wanna have to pay for that chair."

With that, he departed. Feeling strangely empty with the abscence of 6 retards and a Little Person, he skimmed the nearest airport convenience store. He found nothing that could be used as lubricant to free a stuck finger. Not feeling very good about the current situation, he hopped on the moving sidewalk in the direction of the janitor's station. No one was home, so he creeped in and made off with a can of WD40 oil, reccomended for use on wheels, doorknobs, and other metallic surfaces. That should suffice. He pocketed the can and continued down the terminal on the moving sidewalk following the scent of cinnamon buns. He'd be a nice parent and bring some back to reward his "children" for being so patient. They'd appreciate and love him for it, and maybe even get through the flight incident-free. The idea made him smile, until-

"Last call for boarding, Flight 247 to Florida now departing."

He'd felt that feeling before. But the fact that he was completely seperated from his posse made it about 11 times more heart-stopping. With any luck, they woldn't be able to figure out how to to properly present their boarding passes, get left behind and rejoin Darren to find another flight, that was the best-case scenario.

So Darren Shan ran like no one had run before, dodging people, carts, bags, dogs, and babies. All he needed was some epic background music. He was almost there, so close, gonna make it, gotta make it, almost-

He'd made it, all right, made it back to the departure gate which was completely empty, out the window, a massive jet was driving out towards the runway.

_Ohhhhhh shit._

***

3 hours later and 8000 feet up. Flight 247, row 23, seats D, E, F...

"Mika, Miiiiiiika, Mikaaaaaa, Miiiiiiiikaaaaaaa!" Kurda wailed.

"Dammit to hell and sonnovabitch, Kurda. What do you WANT?"

"I don't like this moviiieeee."

"Do I look like I give a shit?"

"Can I watch your movie with you?"

"No."

"But mine's borrriiiiiinnnggggg."

Mika glanced at the poor blonde's screen and quickly realised why Kurda's movie was so dreadfully boring.

"Congratulations, genius, you've managed to turn on your seat TV. Welcome to the friggen menu. What movie do you wanna watch?"

"Ummm?"

"Okay, there's Failure To Launch, Cannibal Corpses Go To The Beach, Jackass #2, Nightmare On Elm Street, season finale of Grey's Anatomy from 2 years ago, Halloween, Twilight, the Arthur Christmas special, The Little Mermaid, and The Hannah Montana movie."

"Ummm...kay...ummmm.....Twilight!"

However, barely 5 minuites into the movie, Kurda declared Twilight "Eeeewwwwwwyyyy" and demanded Hannah Montana instead. You see, Kurda is actually smarter than he looks/acts/walks/talks/etc.

Across the aisle, Seba was perfectly calm and happy. (However he still had a chair attached to his finger.) Meaning he had no idea they'd taken off. He'd been asleep for takeoff and hadn't bothered to roll up his window. Beside him, Harkat was looking at the pictures in a fishing magazine. Beside him, Larten was skimming through a Florida travel information package. He was on page 22 when he felt a strange and naggy feeling in the back of his mind. Like he'd forgotten something important. He re-traced the steps he'd taken before leaving Vampire Mountain...he'd locked his coffin, locked his room, fed Madam Octa, put parental control on the TV, turned off the oven...he was sure Vampire Mountain had been perfectly secure. They hadn't been persued by any cops on the way to the airport, and Harkat could always be trusted to make sure the Essie was locked. He'd double-checked to make sure he nothing fell out of his bag before he boarded the plane...he had his passport with him...so what could it possibly be? For a second he thought maybe he'd lost it when Seba crashed into him as he tried to run back down the walkway away from the plane in blind panic. Or when Mika bodychecked him in a rush to get the window seat...or when Paris tripped over a stray toddler...or when Arrow yelled a YOUR MOM! joke out the window at the baggage handlers...or when Kurda asked the airline attendant what kind of mascara she used...or when Harkat climbed up into the luggage rack...hmm, nope, his passport was in his cloak pocket where it always was. He observed the seats around him. Mika over by the window on the left side, Kurda in the middle, Arrow in the aisle. Harkat beside Larten, and Seba by the window on the right side. Paris directly behind Larten, all by himself. Some thing was wrong here but Larten couldn't quite place it..._Mika, Kurda, Arrow, Harkat, Seba, Paris... Mika...Kurda...Arrow...Harkat...Seba...Paris... 1...2...3...4...5...6..._

Slowly, he reclined his chair to converse with Paris.

Paris...count us up, how many are there?"

"Seven, Larten, what is the matter with you?"

"And...is that the right amount? How many are there supposed to be?"

Paris slowly looked around at the gang, then again, and again... His eyes widened to an unhealthy proportion. Paris and Larten made eye contact, and screamed simultaneously:

"DARREN!"

* * *

Its not easy being Darren. I feel bad for the kid sometimes. Then i laugh and write another chapter.

I tried to make the last bit like the movie Home Alone. Love that one.

Oh and i think many of you have, but make sure to check out VAMPIRE MOUNTAIN IDOL! its doing way better than i expected and it's barely begun. i hope people continue to review the way theyve reviewed the prologue :) thanks so much

and SERIOUSLY, do NONE of you have facebook? like Twitter i can understand, but FACEBOOK? COME ON!!!!!!!!! fan page link on my account! theres PICTURES now!!!! as in TVF GOODIES GALORE! COME ON?!?!?!?!?!?!

heh, love you all.

*Roxxy,


	7. Vampire Free part 1

So i wrote this in like 15 minuites?

Are you fuckin proud? im thinkin i am.

**vampires-pen **ohhh man thats sweet! :D i feel honoured. i gotta go find it now.

**x-FruitySkittles-x **heh, freaken right :)

**roughdiamond5 **its okaayy, i luv you anyway. but they are some pretty sweet pics :P

**imaginary-w3rewolves **That is for sure ;D

**Akatsuki Child **lol, me too :D

* * *

As you know, Darren has had more than his share of OH SHIT moments throughout his life. For example, saving his BFF's ass and becoming a Vampire, only to get betrayed. And that wolfman incident. Having a girlfriend then leaving in the middle of the night. Failing the Trials of Death. Getting his friends stuck in a deserted valley in the bowels of the ski resort. Almost failing Christmas completely. Forgetting to rehearse the godforsaken spider wedding. But now being stuck on one continent, with his pack of beasts on their way to another was definitely the top of the list. Not to mention he was completely devoid of a passport, so he couldn't even hop the next plane to Florida.

_Calmdowncalmdowncalmdown! _he screamed inwardly as he hyperventilated and clutched his only remaining posession, the stolen WD40. He hadn't evem gotten back in time to free Seba, and the abscence of his chair meant it must still be attached to his finger! _What if he broke his finger? What if he couldn't keep up with the rest of the gang and they abandon him? And who will make sure Harkat doesn't get stepped on? Who will make sure nobody destroys an excess of public property? And who will make sure they went in the correct gender bathroom? And theyll eat 7 square meals of junk food per day! They'll steal things! They'll get eaten by sharks! They might even steal sharks! There is NO way we'd fit a shark in Vampire Mountain!_

He suddenly realised he'd screamed the last sentence out loud. People were staring. And he didn't even have Arrow there to give them the finger!

Miserably, he bolted off to the airport bathroom, fighting the impending sense of doom and the feeling that his life was over. He then proceded to lock himself in a stall and scream his face off. All the while hoping that Harkat would come in and comfort him, Arrow would insist he could yell louder, Mika would death-threaten him till he shut up, Larten would tell him to show some self-control for once in his life, Paris would politey tell him to put a sock in it, and Kurda would tell him he sounded like the Spice Girls or something like that. What he would give for their ridiculous quirks right now! He had never been so alone! What could possibly worse than beng completely Vampire-free?

Then, he had a sudden and astonishing revelation. He was completely Vampire-free.

Completely Vampire-free.

As in, a profound lack of Vampires.

To put it more simply, he officially was not responsible for the actions of anyone but himself, he no longer had to worry about embarassing injuries, broken objects, strange outbursts, and everything else he had to deal with on a regular basis. he could chill the heck out for once in his life. He could sit back and chill, maybe read a book, drink a coffee, and just sit and observe!

Look out, world! Darren Shan was completely Vampire-free.

* * *

i know that was short, but its part 1 of 2! 2 will be up tonight :)

ps, i have a little fan page out there that needs more love. link on profile.

COME ON, THERE'S FUN PICTURES!

THANKS A ZILLION to those who became fans :) ilysvm!

*Roxxy,


	8. Vampire Free part 2

[insert trippy theme music]

**VAMPIRE MOUNTAIN NEWSWATCH**

Darren: Hello readers across the universe! Welcome to Vampire Mountain Newswatch, your source for all things TVF, coming to you live from some high school somewhere in Ontario, Canada. The date is January 22, Day 1 of exams for Roxypony. She regrets not being able to join us today, but trusts she has left TVF in excellent and capable hands. Now over to our forecast for today!

Larten: Thanks, Darren. Looks like chances of scattered applause for speedy updating, 70% chance of reader appreciation that study time was sacrificed to write this chapter. We may have some scattered reviews on the horizon for the rest of the day. Over to you, Mika.

Mika: Thank you, Larten. In other news, Roxy wishes to inform you that we ae currently on chapter 8, and she believes that 8 chapters in one fic in less than a month is a record, espcially since Onyx is once again in progress, along with a certain American Idol ripoff fic which is doing very well despite its great cliche-ness. We now go live to roaming reporter Kurda Smahlt who is covering the the auditions.

Kurda: Heeeyyy thanks Mika! It is totally insane over here, folks! So last night Hibernius Tall totally blew everyone away with his incredibly sexy performance! Best of luck to him at voting time! K, so right now we have rumours that next in line to audition is our very own Darren Shan! No confirmation from Roxypony Studios International and Desmond Tiny Productions whether this is true. But anyway, good luck to him! Heeeyyy wait a second, is that camera on??

Camera man: We are currently airing in 81 countries.

Kurda: HOOOOMMMMMGGGGGGG IMM ON NATIONAL TV! HEEY MOMMIE! (runs towards camera) GUESS WHAT, IM-

(crash, blam, static. Eventually, signal comes back up. Camera is now on Arrow.)

Arrow: Thanks very much for that, Kurda. On behalf of Roxypony Studios International, it is my duty to inform you that Miss Roxy is currently suffering her way through exam season. She is currently locked in a portable completing her health/fitness/gym written component, and will hopefully be free within the hour, at which time she will journey to the comfy couches in the school library with her laptop in tow, and provide you with some updation. At this time, she wishes to extend the following pre-recorded greetings to her beloved reviewers:

**Blue Kitsune **Well, Darren hasn't technically left yet, he was still in the airport. All will be clear very shortly.... :)

**vampires-pen **heh, good question. personally, i would love a shark. but thats just me.... ;P

**CarlisleCullenIsMyHomeboy12 **Thank you very very much :)

**Imaginary w3rewolves **lmao, how true. :P

**Akatsuki Child** bahahahah youll see!!!! ;D

This is all the news we have from Roxypony at the moment. We wll now return to the main broadcast studio to wrap up today's newswatch.

Darren: Thank you Arrow. In closing, we would like to add that Roxy will have a series of days off in the near future which she hopes to use to their full potential. Also, a link to a certain facebook page may be found on her profile. I've heard there are fun pictures. That's all the time we have for today, we at Vampire Mountain Newswatch hope you all have an excellent day, exam, lunch, night, or whatever you happen to be having, we hope you enjoy it. Thank you. Please stand by for Chapter 8.

* * *

It took Darren about 43 minutes to figure out that a Vampire-free lifestyle was absolutely unimaginable. He had no one to wait in line with at the coffee shop, no one to keep from falling into the decorative water fountain, no one to help him appreciate the moving sidewalk, no one to try on sunglasses with...and nothing was more painful that sitting and watching the airport transportation carts drive by.

Of course he knew he'd regret the decision, but there was only one option: he was going to get to Florida if it freakin killed him.

But how... this would require some serious thinking and some extreme resourcefulness on his part. He decided to write down his options on a spare napkin from his lonely lunch:

_1. sneak onto plane via main door thingy_

_2. find someone who looks like me. steal passport_

_3. seduce flight attendant_

_4. hijack plane_

_5. swim to FLA_

_6. sneak into plane via luggage thingy_

_7. climb onto outside of plane, attempt to cling until arrival in FLA. if this fails, see option 5_

_8. wait here for Vampires to return_

_9. steal boat, drive boat to FLA_

_10. disguise self as flight attendant, board plane_

_11. hide in pet carrier or luggage_

_12. marry someone heading for FLA_

_13. become adopted by someone heading for FLA_

_14. befriend someone heading for FLA_

_15. become pilot_

That was all he could come up with for the time being. He decided to get off his sorry butt and see what he could do to get to the other side of the world...

He trekked to the other side of the airport. This can be summarized in one sentence due to the abscence of Seba spotting abominations, Kurda looking at cute little gift shops, Mika knocking people over, Arrow yelling at whoever got in his way, Larten demanding to slow down and look controlled, Harkat escaping being stepped on, and Paris oogling at the new technology.

Poor Darren was so distraught he didn't even have time to appreciate looking normal, or the pretty girl that smiled at him as he walked by. Outside he looked like an average dude, however he was a complete and utter headcase. What if someone broke a bone? They didn't know about 911! What if they killed someone? What if they started an all-out Vampaneze war in the middle of Florida? What if their luggage got lost? What if what is what if what if what if-

_Darren, shut up and focus._

Larten's voice in his head sounded so real, for a second he was sure they must have come back.

_You heard me. Listen to you, you are a disgrace to my good name. Take deep breaths and figure it out._

I'm trying!

_You call this trying? Try harder._

_Oooohh...so that's what it looks like in here. Echo...echo...echo!_

_Kurda, get out and let me talk Darren through this situation._

_Echo...echo...ech-aaaahhhgggg!!! Owwwwieee!!!_

_Thank you, Mika. Now, Darren where were we?_

Umm....

_Oh, you are hopeless. I am done here. _

_And this brain is an abomination._

Mr Crepsley? Seba? Mika? Kurda? Come back! I have no idea what the hell I'm doing!

_Luck to you, young Shan._

And Darrens head was empty once again. How he wished it was full of their meaningless chatter...

Suddenly, a terrible thought occured to him: some time shortly before separation, maybe between Arrow almost attacking a security guard, Seba screaming that he had a wedgie, Mika pushing Kurda into a water fountain, and Harkat falling in a toilet, he'd said something out loud...something he was seriously regretting. He'd said it right out loud, in public:

"I wish they'd all just dissapear!"

_Omgomgomgomg... I made my Vampires dissapear._

"I'M SORRY, GUYS!" he screamed out loud. "COME BACK!" he moaned, flinging himself on the ground. Only he didn't land on the ground. He landed on the suitcase of some guy waiting in line. A suitcase that was almost bigger than him. It probably would have fit Kurda AND some of his clothes. It was a suitcase of incredible porpotions. And right before it was angrily snatched away, he saw the adress on the tag:

_Some Guy  
# 123, Some Street Somewhere  
Some Town, FLA, USA_

FLA!!!!!

_FLORIDA!!!!_

He almost had a plan. Now he was confronted with a choice between several options: he could befriend, marry, seduce, or become adopted by this person, or he could get cozy in that nice big suitcase. He decided the latter would be the easiest thing to do, considering the small amount of time he had.

But how to do it? Hmm.... if the gang was here, chances are they'd be doing something to create a diversion so Darren could slip into the suitcase unnoticed. But they were currently up in the sky, who knows where, so Darren would have to be his own diversion today. He observed the owner of the targeted suitcase appeared to have a small child with him. He noticed this because for a second, he thought it was Harkat in kiddie clothes. He decided to see if he could still speak Human Child:

"Hey, kid. Kid! Yeah, you. Take your finger out of your nose-ALL of them! Okay, now run over there and knock over that cart with all the wine bottles, then yell that you have a bomb. Got it?Go, right now. You can have a cookie if you do good."

He couldn't wait to tell Mr Crepsley about his excellent way with children.

"Eeeeeehehe!" agreed the child, sprinting in the direction of the wine cart.

Within 30 seconds, there was chaos worthy of Mika, Arrow, Kurda, and Seba combined. And Darren slipped into the suitcase unnoticed. He prepared for a long, interruption-free ride. (Vampires don't show up on security scans.) With great difficulty, he managed to extract his phone from his pocket. His service inside the bag was depleted, but he was able to fire off a text to 7 phones that he would be in Florida within 12 hours, and would meet them at the pre-reserved hotel, and he left voicemail messages for Harkat, Larten, and Paris to keep everyone safe and see that they arrived at the hotel in 1 piece. They wouldn't recieve the messages while in the plane, but as soon as they landed, he was sure they'd be greatful for his reassurance. They must be missing him terribly right now. If they even noticed he was missing! But he urged himself to have some Larten-sense, there was nothing he could do from inside the bag. For now, he would have to settling for hoping they would be able to survive alone in the human world.

* * *

I told you i'd do the Newscast thing again ;P

This is the last chapter before the SERIOUSLY EXCITING NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN TOTALLY UNEXPECTED THING HAPPENS! if that didnt interest you, idk what will.

Review, find the fan page, check out Vampire Idol, Onyx, and Elena's newest story. Vampires In Highschool :) how could it NOT be awesome???

Oh, and damn exams to hell. Wasting my valuable time....eerg

*Roxxy,


	9. Welcome To Paradise part 1

This is it, the big one. Time for the boys to go where no other Vampire has gone before. Where it is, you will soon find out. :)

So i updated with a long chap YESTERDAY. and an even longer one TODAY. Am i awesome? Hell yes.

**Akatsuki Child **Heh, the fun never stops :) thankyah darling.

**FruitySkittles** He's not the only one.... xD

**vampires-pen **aint that the truth ;)

**imaginary-w3rewolves **arent we all a litte concerned for darren's sanity? ;P

**Charlie-Harry-Moonpup **mmmhmm, typos happen to the best of us. even I cant be perfect. but, glad you like it :)

**CarlisleCullenIsMyHomeboy12 **haaahh i had fun writing that part :D

anyway, here we go :) finally.

_

* * *

_

The camera rolls over a cloudy sky, huge and pretty. Seagulls here and there. A lovely time to fly American Airlines. Suddenly, we lurch downward and all we see is a vase expanse of blue waves and more waves: the glory of the Atlantic Ocean. Then, on the horizon we see a tiny dot of land. We draw closer, and see a trail of smoke rising from the center of the tiny isolated jungle. We sweep over the island, and notice the wreckage of a 747 airliner cracked into several pieces amidst the abundance of palm trees. Flames flicker here and there, but there is no sign of life. Giving up hope, we sweep out towards the west beach. Looking down, we are alarmed to see a small group of survivors coming out of the forest. Zooming in even further, there are 7 in total. They appear dirty, tired, exhausted, and confused. They come to a stop at approximately the center of the beach, staring disconsolatley at the dizzying expanse of water before them. After a moment of silence, one of the survivors lifts a hand to push the hair out of his eyes, opens his dry, cracked lips, and speaks out to the beach:

"Kay...soo, where's the hotel?"

"Damn it Kurda! Are you seriously that unbelieveably stupid? WE CRASHED! WE F**KEN CRASHED! AS IN THE PLANE STOPPED WORKING AND FELL ON THIS GODFORSAKEN ISLAND! NO ONE ELSE IS ALIVE. THERES JUST US. WE'RE SCREWED, OKAY? WE'RE GONNA DIE HERE, WE-"

"MIKA VER LETH." Paris yelled louder than anyone had ever heard him yell. "Calm your negative nerves! Your behaviour is disgusting. Our situation may be less than desirable, but -"

"Maybe...we _are _in...Florida?" Harkat piped up hopefully. "Maybe the hotel is...back that way? "

"Yes, maybe this is just a nice little beach that...um...no one else has discovered yet?" Larten added.

"Who the hell are you trying to convince?" Arrow rolled his eyes and kicked a coconut.

"It was worth a try." Larten grumbled.

"This thing is an abomination." Seba noted, referring to Arrow's coconut which had collided with Seba's shin. He didn't seem to be bothered by the fact that he still had an airport chair attached to his finger.

"Soo, this is an island?" Kurda inquired.

"Yes, retard. We still had 2 hours of flight left when the plane went down. That means we are nowhere near Florida. So yes, this is an island. An poisonous-animal-infested no-clean-water totally-surrounded-by-ocean hundreds-of-miles-from-land wipe-yourself-with-a-leaf damn friggen ISLAND. We're DEAD." Mika snarled through gritted teeth.

"Language!" Paris snapped. He almost got a coconut through the head for that one.

"And we're stuck here?" Kurda whimpered, beginning to realise the situation.

"Very much so."

"But Darren will get us out of here, right?" the blonde's eyes were growing wider by the second.

"Haven't you noticed, Kurda? Daren's kinda not here at the moment." Arrow grunted, retrieving his coconut for later use.

"Okay, so when's he gonna get here?" Kurda wailed, unmistakably preparing to panic.

"Kurda, listen to me very carefully." Larten stated. "As far as we know, nobody knows our plane went down, and Darren does not know we are here. He believes we are in Florida. I do not know if he intends to fly to Florida, or wait for us to return. But I do know that we probably will not see him for a very long time. You see...we forgot him in the airport. And he does not know where we are." Could that be a tear in old Crepsley's eye?

Kurda, however, was no longer listening. He had broken down completely, screamed, "I GOTTA LEAVE!" and made a mad dash for the water, but had been intercepted and was now wrapped around Mika, sobbing as if his entire closet had been burned. Mika was looking like he'd rather be dead. Harkat was sitting in the sand, looking completely lost without his best friend. Seba was looking curiously at the chair, as though trying to remember where it came from. Mika was trying to disentangle himself from the hysterical blonde. Arrow dropped the coconut miserably, lacking the energy to throw it at someone. Paris was looking around with an expression of grim determination. And Larten was desperately trying to control himself and be grateful that his beloved student wasn't stranded on the island with the rest of them.

There were about 7 minuites of silence in which each Vampire or Little Person allowed the true reality of the situation to settle in. Then Larten decided that it was time to figure some things out. He climbed onto a nearby rock waved the cocout to get everyone's attention. (It wasn't easy, now he knew the world of pain Darren faced when he needed to say something) Finally he had everyone sitting in a semicircle around his rock, and he began.

"ATTENTION VAMPIRES AND HARKAT. NO ONE IS LEAVING, AND NO ONE IS DYING. As you can all see, we are not in a very comfortable situation. This place may or may not be part of Florida, but all we can do at the moment is maintain control, cofidence, and charisma. Darren is not here to enforce this, but you may have noticed this place is not part of the human world. So we do not need a recently blooded half-Vampire to guide us through the situation. We are still Vampires, and we can still rely on our ancient instincts and abilities to get us through this situation. If I know Darren, I know he will search the world as soon as he notices we are gone, and will not stop until he gets here. I promise every one of you he will come for us, and we will be snug as a bug in Vampire Mountain before you know it. We just have to survive until then."

"Hear, hear!" Paris applauded.

"Sounds good." Mika agreed reluctantly, picking up a nearby stick.

"Ditto." Arrow added, lying back in the sand and closing his eyes.

"I miss Darren!" Harkat declared miserably.

"So when Darren comes, he's gonna bring my favourite strawberry-kiwi juiceboxes, right?" Kurda whimpered.

"All the strawberry-kiwi juiceboxes you can drink." Larten promised.

Kurda wiped his eyes and let out a tired sniffle.

"So right now, we need a Darren replacement. Someone to...erm...keep us on track while we wait to get rescued."

Mika rolled his eyes and began to carve his stick into a spear.

"We're all over 100 years old, we can take care of ourselves."

"Yeah duh." Arrow chipped in.

"I am over 700 years old, I will not answer to any imbecillic twat other than myself." Seba spat.

"I agree...with Mr. Crepsley." Harkat put in nervously. "We need...a leader. I think...Paris."

"I'm a Vampire Prince, not an Island Prince. I don't know how to go about this situation and I'm too old to be running around the jungle. I respectfully decline."

"I'll be leader." Mika announced. "Paris is wrong, the Island Prince should be a Vampire Prince. I can handle this. Nothing will go wrong as long as I'm in charge. There's gotta be tons of animals here we can eat. Let's not waste valuable hunting time." he waved his new spear determinedly. "We don't even have to vote. Come on, Paris. I got this! I can do better than Darren, I'll actually keep everyone in line!"

Paris sighed depressively and observed the younger prince.

"Mika, that is why it shouldn't be you. We don't need a Prince. We need someone like Darren. We need a caretaker, not a disciplinary."

Mika ignored him.

"All in favour of ME?"

Naturally, Arrow raised a hand to his best friend. As did Seba and Kurda.

Paris rolled his eyes.

"Any other nominations?"

"How about...Mr. Crepsley?" Harkat piped up.

"I do not know about th- Oh, if you must." Larten blushed furiously.

"I think Larten would make a fine leader. All in favour?" said Paris.

Votes from Harkat, Kurda, and Paris.

"That's a tie." Mika snapped. "Kurda voted twice. He voted for me first, so I win."

"You can't decide based on Kurda." Paris snapped. "As your senior prince, I have the right to make these choices. Larten is Prince of the Island."

"So now you're a prince again?" Mika snarled viciously.

"Mika, we can work this out." Larten added nervously. "I will take care of little tasks, you can be in charge of hunting food and keeping us safe from beasts. Is that alright with you?"

"Whatever." Mika grunted, continuing to sharpen his spear.

"Excellent." said Larten. "It appears I am oficially Prince of the Island. I believe our first course of business would be to make some rules so the situation does not become...erm, wilder than it already is. This is a good island. It is our island, and we will have fun until Darren fetches us. Any quest- I mean, we better keep moving forwards."

No one spoke, the only noise was Seba's chair scraping through the sand.

"So, does anyone have any ideas for rules?"

"We can vote someone off the island every week if they act like a dick." Mika suggested.

"Do you really want to screw yourself over like that?" Arrow joked. Mika, however took it personally and tried to tackle Arrow, only to be restrained by Paris. His outburst went unrecognized, and Harkat made a suggestion:

"I think...we need a rule...that only...one person can...speak at once."

"That is an excellent idea, Mr. Mulds." Larten answered kindly. "To enforce this rule, I hearby declare that only the holder of this coconut may speak during an official meeting. If you wish to hold the coconut, please raise your hand first."

Mika's hand was the first one up. Reluctantly, Larten tossed him the coconut.

"Whoever wants to be on the hunting team, come over here."

Arrow and Seba joined Mika beside the rock.

"Great, let's go." said Mika after a quick look-over of his hunters.

Larten snatched the coconut back.

"Not so fast. The meeting has not been adjourned yet!"

"Well, could you be going any slower?" Mika bitched. "There's stuff to eat out there."

"Mika! You weren't...holding the coconut...and you talked!" Harkat gasped, scandalised.

"Um, Harkat, so did you." Arrow pointed out.

At this point, Harkat fell back into the sand and proceeded to completely freak out. Which looks and sounds really awkward when you're a Little Person.

"So did Arrow!" Paris added, ignoring Harkat's outburst.

"So did Paris." Arrow retorted.

"QUIET QUIET QUIET!" Larten demanded, almost throwing the coconut against someone's skull. "I hearby adjoun this meeting before anyone gets hurt! Now, let us explore the island and find out what we are up against!"

"Yeah, show us what ya got!" Arrow yelled into the trees.

"I hope you got a spa!" Kurda added.

"I hope you have...plenty of food!" said Harkat.

"LOCK AND LOAD, BRING THE PAIN!" Mika bellowed, sprinting up the beach.

"THERE IS SOMETHING ON MY FINGER!" Seba screeched.

"Larten, I hate to be the voice of negativity, but we are dead." declared Paris.

"Not yet." Mr. Crepsley muttered. "We have survived the invasion of human technology into our home, we journeyed into the wilds of a Canadian Ski Resort and survived becoming stranded in a Valley of Doom with only our wits and unhealthy food to keep us alive, we survived that Christmas ordeal with our sanity mainly intact, we managed to get my Madam Octa married without losing anyone to poisonous spider bites, and we have come this far. Darren will come for us. I for one am not willing to die here! We will see our Mountain again, wait and see."

"Right." said Paris. "Until then, who's willing to approach Seba and try to get that chair off?"

"I...um...well, that would normally be Darren's job, um-"

"That's what I thought."

* * *

Well, i hope this turn of events has intrigued you, cuz im having a blast writing it. this idea totally came out of nowhere, when i started this fic, i thought it was gonna be a New Years 2 or 3 shot, and now its like, nothing like that ;P i think it subconsciously developed from the constant analysis of the book Lord Of The Flies in academic english....not that it was a bad book. it was actually not too bad, considering i want to burn most pieces of classic literature. it beat the hell outta To Kill A Mockingbird anyway...

soo yeah :) im in too good a mood to obsessively adverstise my facebook fan page (link on profile) and other fics, so im just gonna say goodnight :D

*Roxxy,


	10. Welcome To Paradise part 2

WOOOHHHH EXAMS ARE OVER, and they didnt even kill me this year. 1 semester & 5 months till SUMMERRR. Hells yeeaah. So to celebrate, i wrote this chapter :)

**daylightvampire **like, all of the above ;P thanks!

**ferrettgirlsz **thankyouu :D

**CarlisleCullenIsMyHomeboy12 **heh, someone needs to cheer up. thanks :)

**vampires-pen **haaahhh yeah i know the feeling, they dont even bother asking anymore, lol

**imaginary-w3rewolves **yaah its not something you want to imagine... thanks :P

**Akatsuki Child **thanks, me too ;P

**roughdiamond5 **hahah hell yeah!!! ;D

*

Uh oh here we go :)

* * *

The trip to Florida was not a pleasant one. Darren was rendered unconscious before takeoff, when he was dropped on his head as the suitcase was loaded onto the plane. But he was instantly awoken when the turbo jet revved its engines and took off at 400kph, then climbed steadily to a cruising altitde of 8000 feet going 700kph. Yes, Darren was very much awake. But at least he wasn't alone. There was a cat in a neighboring pet carrier, named "Sir William Mewy McPatterson" according to the label. Although cats generally hate Vampires, Darren appreciated Sir William's prescence because when he screeched, Darren was strongly reminded of the noise Seba made when Kurda dropped a hair curler on his foot. He wondered what Seba was doing at this very moment...then he realised he still had a can of WD40 in his pocket. If, WHEN, he was reunited with his posse, he would free the stuck Seba if the need arose. He spent the majority of the flight making little promises to the gang, if he could only find them in one piece! He'd never turn Kurda's stereo off again, even if he was cranking the Cheetah Girls. He would be patient and respectful if Mika was in a bad mood and understand his need to hit things. He wouldn't get into stupid arguments with Arrow that often ended violently. He wouldn't say "DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE TIME?" when Harkat asked him to pass him some food on the shelves he couldn't reach. He wouldn't kill, maim, or threaten Seba. He would let Paris talk about all the old crap he wanted. And most of all, he would be the BEST student Larten had ever seen in his whole entire life!

With a fire in his heart and a new outlook on life, he looked out the window to see if he could spot any shapes in the clouds. No clouds, but lots of...PALM TREES!

"FLORIDA!" he yelled in delight, causing Sir William Mewy McPatterson to freak out and almost claw his way out of his cage.

Once safely in the Orlando International Airport, he whipped out his cell phone expecting a variety of missed calls and texts from the others saying how terribly sorry they were for leaving without him, how they'd make it up to him, and they were still in the airport waiting for him.

But all he got was a big fat ugly NO NEW MESSAGES.

He figured either their plane had crashed, or they simply hadn't remembered they'd forgotten him! The terrifying possibilty almost made him faint. How could they not notice he wasn't there? Trying not to hyperventilate and sound like he was in labour, he proceeded to pull out his wallet (currently his only posession besides the WD40) and see what he had to get by... his fake driver's liscence, credit card, a dead spider, the legendary group shot from the ski vacation, something that appeared to be toenail clippings, and a 4$ coupon off his next rental vehicle.

That's where he'd start. He'd rent a vehicle and drive to the hotel that was included in the package. Surely they must be there, and surely it would be such a fabulous hotel that they were having too much fun to realise they were minus one Darren.

With that cheery thought in mind, he picked out a vehicle (a yellow army-style Jeep with no roof) and proceeded to blast down the hot Floridian highway, with the sun in his hair and the wind at his back, feeling utterly empty inside.

***

"Woooooooooweeeeee." he proclaimed when he zoomed his ride into the hotel parking lot. No wonder they'd forgotten to call him. The hotel was almost as massive as Vampire Mountain, only the bricks were a shimmery orangey-pink colour. To the right of the hotel was a little bus station with lime green school buses leaving for Disneyland every 10 minuites. Behind the hotel, there was a strip of beach, a waterpark, a maze of swimmy pools, hot tubs, cold tubs, saunas, and everything in between. Inside the hotel was an entrance to the next-door mall, a check-in table that appeared to be made of solid diamond, a variety of water fountains just asking to be jumped into by crazy Vampires, and a what appeared to be an open bar in the next room.

_We are soooo having the next council meeting here. _Darren decided.

"Has anyone checked in under D. Shan?" he asked the Hawaiian-shirt-wearing worker.

"D. Shan.... no reservations under that name." the little pink-haired guy informed him.

"Ummm..." Darren gurgled uselessly.

"We have a reservation under D-Seba-Dont-Eat-That-Shan, if that helps." the guy continued, scrolling down the computer screen.

"Oh, yeah thats me!" Darren exclaimed, remembering the incident where Seba tried to eat a discarded luggage tag, thinking it was a breath strip. "Has anyone checked in?"

"Negative."

Darren's stomach did some gymnastics. Where the hell were they if they hadn't checked in? But then a comforting thought occured to him. Vampires don't check in, Vampires make themselves at home. He'd told them the room number (Mermaid Suite #4, 12th floor), if he knew them, they were already unpacked and partying in the room, or else running amok.

As he stepped into the elevator, he wondered what the gang's reactions were to this intriguing device. The elevator at the ski resort had been "an abominative portal of doom" because the walls were not transparent, so nobody could fathom how the doors closed onto one floor and opened on another. In this elevator, you had a 360-degree view of everything outside, so maybe now they believed him...

Anyway, here we are! 12th floor, Mermaid Suite #4. The front door appears to be encrusted with sea shells. Nice touch, Kurda must have appreicated it. Mika, not so much.

"GUYS! HEY GUYS! IM HERE! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH, I CANT BELIEVE-"

But the sight that greeted him on the other side of the door made him stop in horror:

No luggage spread everywhere. No colourful drinks spilled on the turquoise carpet. No music numbing his ears. Beds perfectly made. Cushions and pillows in one piece.

Not one single solitary Vampire or Little Person.

In a panic, Darren raced from pink-and-blue room to pink-and-blue room, there were 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, the living room, a hot tub room, and a little porch, 500 feet off the ground overlooking the ocean. His friends weren't here, and he hadn't a clue where they were, where to start looking, or if they were even alive!

In full-on Parental Panic Mode, he leaned over the railing and screamed,

"HARKAT! MR CREPSLEY! PARIS! MIKA! ARROW! SEBA! KURDA!"

until somone on the next floor up dropped a shoe on his head.

* * *

Someone needs to make Darren stop whining and get looking for his friends... oh wait, thats my job. Heh. But seriously hes geting to be a pain in the ass :P

Check my profile for some important news about VM Idol, specifically chapter 2 :)

ps, FAN PAGE, SERIOUSLY.

*Roxxy,


	11. Goats Make Good Eatin

haaayyy well im really tired so im not gonna say anything other than

thanks for reviewing,

this chap begins to get intense as we observe them adjusting to Island Life :P

and ily all!!!!

* * *

Larten stood back and observed his handiwork proudly. Together with Harkat, Paris, and Kurda, 8 little huts had been constructed from sticks, grass, mud, twigs, branches, and small trees Harkat had uprooted. The process had taken 6 whole hours and many cuts, scrapes, and bruises, but they were completed! From left to right, they belonged to Mika, Arrow, Seba, Paris, Larten, Kurda, Harkat, and an extra one which Paris figured was a spare in case one got wrecked, but Larten had built it in honour of Darren, to remind everyone that the gang was still 8, even though they weren't on the same continent.

Oh yes, these were positively professional huts, and they would withstand absolutely anything the island could throw at them-

"RUN FASTER DAMMIT!"

"Nyaaahhhaaahahaha!"

"CATCH THE GOAT!"

"WATCH OUT...FOR THE...HOUSES!"

"STAB IT, NOW!"

"I DID, IT WONT DIE!"

"SO DO IT AGAIN!"

"I DROPPED MY SPEAR!"

"SEBA, HIT IT WITH THE CHAIR!"

Crunch. Crash.

"NO, HIT THE GOAT, NOT THE HOUSE!"

"Nyaaaahhhh-"

Thunk.

"DINNER!"

-except a goat hunt gone wild.

Larten picked himself out of the ruins of his hut, and surveyed the damage: Mika was holding a dead goat, looking very pleased with himself. Arrow had found his spear and was re-sharpening it. Seba was trying to join in the victory dance, but kept tripping on the chair. Harkat was staring dismally at his wrecked hut.

"MIKA VER LETH." Larten bellowed furiously. "What in Charna's Guts do you think you are doing, careening around the island like a wild demon beast?"

"I just killed a big enough goat to feed all of us for 2 days." the ex-Prince snapped, walking up to Larten and staring him down. "So kiss my ass, Island Prince."

"Um, actually, Seba killed it." Arrow corrected before Larten had time to react to Mika's belligerence.

"On my orders." Mika retorted, passing Arrow the goat.

"You're damn hopeless." Arrow rolled his eyes and carried the goat away to be prepared for consumption.

"How is the signal fire looking?" Larten inquired suspiciously. "We should check on it very soon."

6 hours ago, he asked Mika and the Hunters to go to the top of Harkat Hill, which was a small mountain named after its discoverer, and start a fire to alert potential rescuers. It had been realised that Kurda's sunglasses could be used to start the fire by reflecting sunlight through them. This was the utmost important item on Larten's To-Do list, as building huts and eating goats would not get them rescued.

Mika ran his hand through his jet-black hair and leaned casually against a palm tree, but he looked slightly troubled.

"Um, we got after a goat, and we didn't really get that far on the signal fire."

"Surely stalking a goat did not take you all of 6 hours! You started the fire, yes? A small fire is better than none at all."

"We're gonna have to go with No Fire At All for today. Sorry, Crepsley." Although he did not sound remarkably sorry.

Larten opened his mouth to respond, but his words were muffled by the hum of an aircraft above. 7 pairs of eyes looked to the ski to see a plane zooming towards the island...over the island...and into the distance.

"I cannot believe you!" Larten yelled in fury. "How dare you shirk responsibility? I gave you one specific task, BUILD A SIGNAL FIRE ON HARKAT HILL! Then you were free to kill as many goats as you wanted! WE COULD HAVE BEEN GOING HOME RIGHT NOW! YOU IMBECILE! I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW UNEXPLAINABLY IGNORANT YOU ARE!"

At this point, words could no longer describe Larten's displeasure, and he proceeded to abandon his non-violent lifestyle and yank Mika's spear from his hands and club him over the head about 12 times, before Mika managed to kick sand in his eyes and render him temporarily blind. Larten staggered off to the forest's edge and collapsed in the shade of the palm trees, cursing viciously under his breath. Paris and Harkat quietly snuck off to take care of the signal fire situation while Mika, Arrow, Kurda and Seba tried to decide on the best way to go about the eating of the goat.

***

"This goat...tastes really good." Harkat remarked in an attempt to diffuse the furious silence that haunted the group at dinner time. Larten was still pissed beyond measure at Mika, who was not making the situation any easier for anyone.

"Harkat, you don't have tastebuds." the dark Vampire replied impatiently. "I've tasted better things out of Darren's stupid microwave."

"Don't call the...microwave stupid!" Harkat gasped, scandalised.

"Who's gonna stop me?"

"Mika, if you wanna shut the hell up for 5 minutes, the whole island would be a much better place for everyone." Arrow interjected, in rare argument with his bestie.

"Say that again?" Mika snapped back with such a murderous glare that Arrow (who was substantially larger) leaned away.

"Just sayin. You're gonna get voted off the island if you keep acting like a dick just cuz you think you can get away with it." Arrow shot back with slight apprehension.

Mika's death glare intensified, and for a moment everyone feared for Arrow's life. But then he blinked and the monster was gone. He stood up and tossed the remainder of his meal (roasted goat and assorted island fruit) into the fire to stalk off to his hut, leaving the others in peace.

"What did I tell you? Fun island!" said Larten in a failed attempt at being perky.

Harkat started to cry.

"I...miss...Darren!" he sobbed in utter misery, lying facedown in the sand.

"I miss shampoo." Kurda sighed.

"I miss when everyone got along." Arrow mused.

"When was that?" Paris asked incredulously. "And I miss my comfy couch."

"Florida is an abomination." Seba announced.

There was a pause.

"And I too miss Darren." Larten said finally, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. "But tomorrow will be better. Now that the huts are built and we have enough goat to feed us for another day, we can explore the island in the safety of a group. We will get to become more aware of our surroundings, and we might even find a swimming place. Remember how dissapointed we were when we did not get an opportunity to venture into the ski resort pool?"

"Um, that was just Darren."

"It does not matter." Larten continued through gritted teeth. "As soon as our plane left the groud of our home country, we were officially on vacation. This has not changed. Darren would want us to enjoy ourselves until he comes to fetch us, so we shall. Or else."

"Gotta love you for trying, Creplsey." Arrow sighed sadly, laying down on the sand and closing his eyes. Harkat inched closer to him and leaned his head on the Vampire's arm like a pillow.

"Arrow...do you supose...there are...carnivorous beasties...on this island?"

"Honestly, Harkat... probably."

The Little Person gasped in horror.

"But if they think you look like food, which you don't, they'd have to get through me first." the tattooed Prince promised.

"Thanks." Harkat sniffled, curling into a ball in preparation to sleep.

"You wouldn't let anything eat me either, right Arrow?" Kurda asked nervously.

" 'Course not." Arrow yawned sleepily. "What would want to eat you, anyway?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Um, beasties aren't into low-calorie food."

Kurda was satisfied with that.

"Kay, 'night." he concluded, lying down between Seba and Paris. Seba had fallen asleep sitting in his chair, his head was tilted back at a painful-looking ankle, and he was snoring violently. Paris was stretched out on his back staring at the stars, and Larten was debating between going back to sleep in his hut, or remaining where his companions had apparently dropped for the night. Deciding that here was fine, since it was a warm pleasant night with a sea breeze, he removed his cloak, spread it carefully on the ground, then lay down comfortably on it. He did not expect to get much sleep the first night, but before he knew it, the crash of distant waves and Seba's gurgling snores lulled him into one of the deepest sleeps of his life.

* * *

mmm, cuteness :) (and no intended slash. ever.)

PS, if you haven't picked up on it yet, this plot was inspired by the forced reading of Lord Of The Flies by William Golding in grade 11 english this year lol. it actually wasnt the worst book ive ever read, which is suprising considered its one of those "great" pieces of literature. it beat the hell outta To Kill A Mickingbird, anyway. ;P

BTW, if you havent already, make sure you check out ONYX, which is written by myself and Elenafromthewoods (in case you live under a rock and havent read her fics, shes amazing :) our fic is about Mika's younger years & trials of initiation. theres some Arrow in there (for me), some Vancha, Larten, Paris, and i believe Kurda will be in there too pretty soon :) sooo yeah.

BYE xo

*Roxxy,


	12. The Wilderness Must Be Explored

well, this has officially been the longest wait between updates in the laptop-era. remember back in the day when you were waiting like 3 r 4 months? hot damn. blame Driver's Ed.

anywaaayyy, you may have noticed i won a certain little contest :) *tries not to grow huge ego* imm really proud!!! :D Huuggeeee thanks to CCIMH12, who rocks so much i can forgive her for liking twilight :P and to all the people who voted for Cherry and Crimson, ILY ALL!!!!!

also, a certain ParodyMaster33 is currently hosting a contest...for which i am straining my brain trying to think of something good.... :D Im thinking i wanna make my own contest too... CCIMH12 has totally started a trend :P soo yeah, ill let ya know when i have an idea worthy of a contest...*sneaky eyes*

**ParodyMaster33 **lmfao, who genuinely enjoys low-calorie food? honestly. Lolling at 3am, haha story of my life :P although maybe not 3am. 12 maybe. Imma lazy one.

**imaginary w3rewolves **iknoow, id never written animal cruelty before that, i freaken love goats. even my neighbor's evil goat that tried to eat my dog. Yeah. goats are sweet....

**roughdiamond5 **bahaha, Lord Of The Flies is the shit, honestly :P Thank you so much!!!

**daylightvampire **imm still waiting for that story hun :P no worries tho, take your time :) can't wait.

**thecupcakebat **bahahaha omg, my earlier stories.... totally randomness only a grade niner could come up with...i read them over the other day and had to add a disclaimer to the first one about how nutty i was back then....lmfao good times. i was out of the loop for a while, playing in other fandoms, then out of ff for a while entirely...but im soooo back now :) and i havent seen the movie yet, i dont want to scar myself for life, lmao it looks beyond disgusting.

**Akatsuki Child **tehe, they liked saying those lines too :P thankss

**vampires-pen **thankyah!! im glad :D its always good to make people laugh.

**x-Fruity-Skittles-x **dude hes soooo mine! lol nah...hes everyone's. cuz you cant NOT love him!!!

**ferretgirlsz **bahahahaha his journey has only begun ;D

**CarlisleCullenIsMyHomeboy12 **heh, we meet again :P its really hard to live without shampoo, lol not like ive tried it...but i can imagine. *shivers*

Love you all :)

Oh, and this chapter is dedicated to DENNIS, my Drivers Ed teacher, who kept me from updating all these weeks :O but dont get me wrong, Dennis rocks the world.

And ive been totally slack celebrating Hug Months.... So give Kurda some huggage, in the pinky month of Love :)

* * *

Early morning on the island. A group of 7 survivors stand facing a vast expanse of jungle before them.

"Are we ready to enter within?" Larten inquired.

"Sure." Paris yawned, pulling a twig from his beard.

"Where is...the Speaking Coconut?" Harkat wondered. "We must...keep order!"

"This isn't a meeting, genius. We don't need the damn coconut." Mika growled. The day had barely begun and he was already in an dangerous mood.

"The wilderness must be explored!" Seba bellowed.

"Does this flower make my head look fat?" Kurda asked.

"What if...there are...carnivorous beasties?" Harkat gasped, hugging Arrow's leg in horror.

"We went over this last night, remember? Nothing's gonna hurt you." The bald Prince promised, patting the Little Person on the head.

"As long as you stand way back when I kill something edible, nothing's gonna hurt you." Mika added.

"There is leftover goat from last night, you do not need to kill anything today." Larten informed him sternly.

Mika glared and swiped his spear over Larten's head. He was intending to miss, but Larten took him quite seriously, and dropped to the ground screaming in terror. Mika also dropped to the ground from laughing his ass off.

"Mika, behave. Larten, be quiet." Paris demanded.

"If he ever orders me around again, next one's gonna be right through his neck." Mika snapped, stabbing his spear into the ground to make a point.

"That's enough. Larten is the Island Chief. We voted. You Lost. Deal with it." Arrow snorted in disgust. "What would Darren say if he saw how crazy you're acting?"

"Knowing him, something I don't care about." the dark Prince retorted.

"I'm asking you nicely, Mika. Stop being a crazy island monster and be yourself again. You're actually scaring me, so just...settle down." said Arrow with a note of uneasiness in his voice.

Mika looked down at his feet and pulled his spear out of the sand, and slowly looked up to face Arrow.

"Does this place look like Vampire Mountain to you? This place isn't even on the map. If you want to get out of here alive, you're gonna have to have some balls for once in your life. All of you." he sneered.

"Hear hear! I knew I made good students." Seba called, dragging his chair over to stand by Mika.

"I'm not your student, Seba. But if it makes you feel better..."

"That would be ME, thank you very much!" Larten exclaimed, feeling incredibly insulted.

"I don't even...know what balls are!" Harkat wailed.

"Don't listen to him, Harkat." Arrow sighed. "The fresh air is just going to his head. Darren will come take us home soon."

Harkat sniffled dismally and followed the group as they trudged into the jungle. No one had ever seen such a depressed Harkat before. It was extremely disheartening.

"So, welcome to the jungle!" Larten commented in a effort to lighten the mood. "On your right, you can see a delightful grove of what appears to be...erm...guava trees, and to the left we have a very tall bush, a species of which I am not familliar with. Under our feet we have a collection of...erm..."

"EVIL TENTACLES OF EARTH DEMONS!" Seba screeched, whacking them with his chair. The evil tentacles were in fact bright green vines, which had a tendency of wrapping around one's feet. Navigating the jungle was not an easy task, Harkat kept getting swallowed by shrubbery and vines, Seba's chair frequently got caught on foliage, Kurda kept taking detours to avoid muddy patches, and Mika did not hesitate to knock over anyone who got in his way. Not to mention the local insects were aquiring a taste for Vampire blood. Half an hour later, nothing enjoyable or friendly had been encountered, and to the extent of their knowledge, this island was entirely comprised of the strip of beach, and an endless expanse of jungle.

"Do you think those fruit things are edible?" Arrow wondered aloud to lighten the mood, eyeing a bush loaded with pinky-red spikey-looking fruits.

"I dunno, but they're pretty." Kurda contributed.

"The pretty ones are always the deadliest." Paris noted. "But if someone wants to test them, I'm sure everyone will join me in saying, "Good luck to you"."

"I vote Kurda tries it." said Mika.

"Ew, it probs gives you pimples. Mika, you eat it." said Kurda.

"Agreed." said Arrow.

"Eat it yourself." Mika snapped.

Before Arrow and Mika started World War 3, Paris interjected with:

"Let's just keep walking and leave the pretty fruit alone."

"Good idea." Harkat sighed in relief.

"Bunch of pansies." Mika growled.

The group battled their way through a few more minutes of jungle before Larten said,

"Would anyone be interested in participating in a sing-along?"

"Youuuuu, your love, your love is my drugggg!" Kurda burst out.

"Nooooo....." Mika and Arrow moaned in unison. For a second, they looked like BFFL again, until Mika grumbled,

"Don't even lie, you know you love that song. You have all her albums in your room and you kiss them goodnight before you go to sleep."

In retaliation, Arrow shoved Mika into a bush of prickles. He hated Kesha and her Godforsaken music with a passion and owned no such albums. Mika however, did not appreciate the multitudes of thorns that were now penetrating his skin. He jumped up, crashed through several layers of waist-height vines, and tackled Arrow from behind and shoved him facedown into a puddle. Spitting mud, the bald Prince crawled out of the puddle, charged at Mika, and attempted to bodyslam him into a tree. The tree, unfortunately, collapsed on impact, and Mika and Arrow suddenly felt themselves flying through the air, dropping like rocks.

_!_

They hit water at the same time, and were momentarily lost in a haze of bubbles. Upon surfacing, they noted they were in a small pool of what tasted like natural spring their right, a waterfall cascaded from the surrounding cliffs. And about 100 feet above them, the worried faces of Harkat, Larten, Paris, Seba and Kurda peered down at them.

"Dudes! We found drinking water!" Arrow yelled happily. "Get down here!"

Harkat immediately flung himself over the edge, and landed headfirst, then floated over to Mika and Arrow. Larten and Paris came next, with slightly less enthusiasm for the plunge. Kurda and Seba were both hell-bent on NOT diving, but eventually Seba's chair fell off the side, dragging Seba with it, who in turn dragged Kurda down. Within 5 minuites, everyone was making themselves quite at home: Seba had parked his chair in a shallow section and was sitting on it, Kurda was putting on a mud mask, Mika was spearing fish, Harkat was lying on a low tree branch overhanging the pool, Paris was splashing Harkat, Larten was examining a shiny rock he'd pulled from the depths of the pool, while getting splashed by Paris and Arrow. He splashed back several times with a wicked grin on his face, but suddenly regained control, and stated dismally:

"Darren would have enjoyed this."

"We should...enjoy it...for him." Harkat declared.

"Deffers." Kurda agreed, looking like a very stylish swamp monster with his mud mask and flowers braided into his hair.

"I can almost hear him begging us to partake in a splash war." Paris chuckled.

"I miss that boy quite terribly." Larten sighed. "If he was here, he would say-"

"KOWABUNGAAAAAA!!!" Arrow bellowed, soaring over the group's heads, swinging on an exceptionally thick vine. He came crashing down dangerously close to Mika, who under normal circumstances might not have tried to drown him. The incident was forgotten however, as the pool was cleared and a line formed behind the swining vine, which could be used by grabbing the vine securely, then jumping from a small muddy hill located on the forresty side of the pool. First up, Seba Nile.

"Um, I wouldn't reccomend tying it around your waist." Arrow informed him.

"When I was your age, this was how we got things done." Sebe crabbed. He lunged off the cliff, but was held back by the added weight of the chair, and ended up suspended 5 feet above the water.

"I am astounded that finger is still attached." Larten muttered incredulously.

Eventually Seba was freed by Harkat's knotting abilities, and was given the safe task of monitoring the antics of a turtle that had been found nearby.

Harkat took his turn on the vine, and his flight almost took him on a direct collision with the cliff on the other side of the pool, but he let go just in time. Kurda's first try ended in disaster when the vine became tangled around his arm, and he recieved a nasty abrasion which bled enough to make him sob in anguish for several seconds, but to everyone's suprise he gave the vine another try. Larten rode the vine once, for Darren's sake, and screamed the whole way. Paris tried twice, deciding he could relax when he was dead. Harkat rode the vine 3 more times, hyperventilating with glee progessively louder with each swing. Mika actually dropped his spear long enough to join in the fun. He even formed a wordless truce with Arrow as the afternoon progressed. If there were any more squabbles to be had, they didn't need to intrude on an otherwise joyful moment. Arrow was suprised and relieved that Mika still had enough sense to recognize this, but they both knew deep down it wouldn't last...

* * *

heeeeeee cliffeeeyyy. kinda.

HAPPY HUG KURDA MONTH.

GO TEAM CANADA!!! and good luck to wherever youre from :D  
im one of those who gets majorly into the Olympics, specially cuz theyre right here in my own lil country :)

*Roxxy,


	13. Darren Departing

Yay, update.

Yeah im super tired, so....

* * *

It was a lovely day at the beach. Darren lay on a towel in the sand, working up a tan for the first time in years. In front of him, the ocean glittered turquoise. Behind him, the hotel glittered orangey-pink.

Beside him, Larten adjusted the cheerful yellow green and orange striped giant umbrella so it wouldn't snap shut on Seba who was carefully constructing a "sand mountain" beneath it, glaring up every now and then, daring someone to wreck it. Harkat was going through a giant picnic basket which was about as tall as he was. Nearby, Kurda was being buried in the sand by Harkat and Arrow. Mika was paddling in the ocean, playing with his new surfboard. And Paris was lying beside Darren on the towel, reading Twilight and taking careful notes of the inacuracies so he could file a formal complaint against the author...

No, that stuff wasn't actually happening. Larten, Seba, Harkat, Kurda, Arrow, Mika and Paris were on a little island in the middle of nowhere, only Darren didn't know that and was mindlessly wandering up and down the beach, praying for a sign his friends were still out there somewhere.

For the past 2 days, he'd been in a sort of comatose state, not being entirely aware of his surroundings. He kept hearing them breaking things, yelling at each other, rampaging around, etcetera. But when he turned around, he was alone! The concept was difficult to grasp, as was exhibited when he went up to an ice cream truck and said,

"Kay, give me lime slushie, a blue raspberry slushie, a red slushie, an Ice Capp, a lemon-sicle, a rolo cone, an ice-cream sandwich, and a rainbow-sicle. Ohh, that's not right...Um...just the blue raspberry slushie..."

It was a very sad time in the life of Darren Shan. He spent that afternoon phoning local hospitals, police stations, jails, and morgues, just in case. This search proved inconclusive, and he became able to breathe again. He was spending his time cruising up and down every road in Orlando, searching for a sign they were even in this city. He was seriously beginning to doubt they were anywhere in the vicinity, or else they'd be on the news or on the run or on the top of a building, or somewhere noticeable.

With a depressive little sigh, Darren glanced down at his new GPS, a gift he'd bought to make himself feel better. There was a little bar several minuites away which he hadn't searched yet...

"Mr. Frog's Luau" the sign said. It was tropical-themed, as was everything in Orlando. Luckily there was no mechanical bull to remind him of the bar Mika and Arrow had built in the Hall of Khledon Lurt. This place had a profusion of real potted palm trees, and drinks served out of real coconuts. Everyone was dressed in Hula gear, apparently forgetting they were in Florida rather than Hawaii. Anyway.

Darren plopped himself down on a lime green bar stool and stared around hopelessly. The place was devoid of Vampires.

"Haaay welcome to Mr. Frog's!" greeted a heavily accented middle-aged chubby shirtless mostly bald grass-skirted dude of an indeterminate race. He had a sticker reading, MANAGER stuck to his naked chest, so Darren figured he was Mr. Frog himself.

"Whassa matta with you my buddy? You look like you just lost your best friend!" Mr. Frog gasped, seeing Darren's broken expression.

"You haven't seen a tall pale guy with an orange fuzz, a crazy old guy with a chair attached to his finger, an even older guy with a huge beard, a blonde dude with pink shades, a baldie with tattoos, a dark and grumpy one, and a little kid with a skin condition, have you?" Darren sniffled.

Mr. Frog thought about that for a second, but replied.

"Not all together, and not this week. I am sorry, my buddy."

"Well in that case, give me the strongest thing you got." Darren sighed, resting his head on the counter.

***

Barely an hour later, Darren was so tanked he hallucinated an entire conversation with Seba, Harkat and Larten which got so out-of-control that Mr Frog eventually asked him if he wanted an ambulance.

"Noooough, Imma good , Misster Foooowg." Darren promised.

"Alright, my buddy. You stay sitted here, I get you a glass of milk, yes?"

"Chaah yes my buddy!" Darren agreed.

Darren proceeded to try to count the leaves on the nearest palm tree, something suddenly caught his attention on the news show on the plasma scren TV mounted on the wall...

_"ALL PASSENGERS PRESUMED DEAD AFTER PREVIOUSLY UNNOTICED PLANE DISSAPEARANCE OFF THE COAST OF FLORIDA. FLIGHT 247 HAS REPORTEDLY GONE DOWN AFTER RECEIVING NO SIGNAL FOR 2 DAYS."_

"Seba, shuddup I gotta listen to this!" he wailed, banging his fists on the counter.

_"THERE IS A SMALL UNINHABITED ISLAND LOCATED IN THE AREA WHERE FLIGHT 247 IS PRESUMED TO HAVE GONE DOWN, BUT THERE IS ALMOST NO CHANCE ANY PASSENGERS WOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE IT TO THE ISLAND, MUCH LESS SURVIVE ON IT."_

_What if...they couldn't be...unless...I think...unless...VAMPIRES CAN SURVIVE! _his brain reasoned.

"I FOUND THEM!" Darren screamed, falling off his stool, dragging himself back up and pausing only long enough to grab the glass of milk Mr. Frog had just brought him, and bolted out the door. He managed to start his yellow jeep and gunned it through the hot Orlando streets, chugging back the milk.

"LARTEN HARKAT SEBA PARIS KURDA MIKA ARROW IMM COMING FOR YOUUU!" he howled with delight, almost running over a flock of tourists. While he couldn't recall the usual formulating process, he did indeed have a plan. And what a plan it was.

***

Darren had never been boat shopping before. Nor had he ever been on a boat. Nor did he know shit about boats. Nor had he ever thought about boats while drunk. But he was currently parked on a dock in south Orlando, the boat he selected now would probably have a significant impact on whether or not he could find his friends and bring them home in one piece.

So.

To his right, there was a small metallic pink speedboat. Very Kurda-friendly. And fast-looking. At least it would be until 8 large creatures were loaded in. And it was a two-seater. Scratch that. Near that one, there was one that appeared to be a school bus mounted on a barge. Size: Perfect. Sturdiness: questionable. Motor: Apparently non-existent. How about that one over there...this would be so much easier with Harkat around...the next one had sails. This was a disaster waiting to happen. Lots of ropes to strangle unsuspecting beasts, and strange little mechanics that nobody would be able to figure out, with the possible exception of Paris. But no, the sailboat was a bad idea.

Then, Darren looked to the other end of the dock. If you could have an AHA! moment when inebriated, he definitley did.

It was a medium-sized ferry boat, big enough for about 600 people and their vehicles...so that would probably be enough space to evenly disperse 8 creatures of the night. And Darren would be able to drive his Jeep right on board, how very convenient. Driving closer, he realised the boat was devoid of life. No vehicles were parked inside, but there appeared to be a line of cars waiting to enter. The delay appeared to be due to a staff meeting that was taking place on the dock beside the boat. Darren slipped out of his vehicle and sneaked over as casually as possible while stumbling all the way. Listening in, he noted they were being lectured on the importance of not drinking and boating. How very ironic. It appeared the boat was anchored to the dock only by one loop of rope. A simple unloop, lift and drop fixed that. Thankfully it wasn't a more complicated knot because Darren was currently experiencing a greenish-blue haze around his vision, and hearing his lost friends chattering in his ear as he wandered back to the Jeep, got behind the wheel, and lined himself up with the ramp to drive inside the ferry.

_"This boat is an abomination. Vehicles do not belong in boats. And Vampires do not belong in vehicles. You are damnning our souls." Seba complained._

_"Stealing a boat, Darren? Really?" Paris sighed. "You will never learn...thank goodness you're not my problem."_

_"Darren Shan. This is probably the most dangerous, unbelievable, ostentatious, unlikely, rock-brained plan you have ever concocted. And I do mean it this time. Not to mention you are completely drunk. As soon as you come save us, I will kill you." Larten snorted in disgust._

_"You should have totally taken the pink boat." Kurda declared. "It matches my sunglasses." _

_"Get a life, Kurda. He's holding all our lives in his hands, he doesn't need you in his head." Mika growled._

_"DO IT!" Arrow demanded with an evil grin. _

_"I don't...really like...the island, Darren. Come...soon." Harkat concluded._

"I'M ON A BOAT MOTHERFUCKER DON'T YOU EVER FORGET IT AND TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK AT MY SWIM TRUNKS AND MY FLIPPY FLOPPIES OR HOWEVER THAT SONG GOES!" Darren screamed like a maniac and pressed the pedal to the floor, and almost ended up in the water on the other end of the ferry, but reversed just in time and centered himself in the parking garage. Then he followed the signs up to the control room, where he was completely unsure where to start.

_"Green button. Then pull the lever till it's on the red square. And don't forget the steering wheel. When you get to open water, you can program your destination into the built-in GPS, then put it on cruise control."_

"How you knowin that, Paris?" Darren muttered as the salt sea air did nothing to sober him.

_"I sailed around the world once, when i was 152. Took about a week."_

"They had GPS and cruise control back then?"

_"Nah. I'm just terribly terribly itelligent."_

Following Paris's hallucinated instructions, Darren maneuvered his ship away from the dock and out into the shimmery blue. He managed to put it in cruise control before stumbling out to the deck where he proceeded to vomit violently over the side before passing out completely, hearing whispered mutters about _Abominations_ and rapping about boats the whole time.

* * *

Ill reply reviews next chappeh! Prrromise.

Lov yah.

*Roxxy,


	14. Primordial Urges Take Over

TVF is back! I feel like ive taken fooreevvver. Butt at least ive been writing, I mean ive been workin like a dog on the next chapter for Onyx, and giving Arrow (previously titled Closer Than Brothers) a makeover, trying to pick up slack on VM Idol, and doing the pointless little dribbles for The Deleted Files. Plus my life outside the computer has been getting more action than usual with the coming of Springgggg :) And its March Break, so even better! Yeeah.

REVIEWS FOR CHAP 13: 

**musiccat **That he is. Im so glad!

**daylightvampire** bahaha thank you hun :)

**roughdiamond5** yaeh i know.... but i love it, its so much more fun! hehe, the olympics...they seem so long ago, BUT YEAH, WE PWNED. :) hehehe, i guess we'll see if Darren finds the boys... maybe... xD

**imaginary w3rewolves **haahahaha noo fricken kidding! even i'm relieved... ;P

**TaintedFeather **meee too :D and yepp, here it is!

**vampires-pen **uh oh, if the boyfriend is reading TVF over your shoulder, he better enjoy it too. Hey now, Darren's a little hammered, dont judge him :P and yeah, questions generally lead to beatings. But ill let this one slide :P

**Elenafromthewoods **thanks so much hun!! Ohhh gosh...encountering Mr Tiny at the hula bar, now THAT woulda been good. Where were you BEFORE I wrote this chap? lmao. Goodluck with updating, and Im almost done the Onyx update :)

**piku **thanks a zillion! that means so much :) hehe, yep that basically sums up TVF.

**thecupcakebat **ahahahaaa I couldnt NOT have that song in that chapter! for me, that song is everything that is summer! not like ive been on a boat in years... when you live in Hicktown, you tend to be more of a trucker than a boater... but same concept....? :)

**CarlisleCullenIsMyHomeboy12 **omg..... i officially love your uncle! creepy that may sound, but its hard not to admire someone who sings THAT song loud enough to attract attention. And yes, the more interesting the fruit = the scarier the result!

**Wolf Seeker **ohhhh... he will try! :D

This isnt the funniest happiest chapter ever...not quite realistic, possibly.... but its made to resemble happenings in Lord Of The Flies...which is an um... interesting book, to say the least.

* * *

Island life had settled into a slightly almost-comfortable routine. Every morning, everyone journeyed to the southern end of the Beach, where there was a trickle of fresh water which was drank in copious amounts. Then Mika and his team of Hunters would trek into the forest and return with a goat or two while the others racked the fruit trees to ensure a balanced breakfast, which was consumed less than enthusiastically, but Kurda insisted it would keep their hair shiny. Arrow liked this because he had a good excuse not to partake in fruit. Then goat blood would then be drank, and the body would be roasted on a spit over the fire, which was referred to as the Happy Campfire by Harkat, the Roasting Fire by Mika, and the Signal Fire by Larten, since the actual Signal Fire atop Harkat Hill was all but forgotten. Once brunch was complete, work continued on the sleeping huts, which were in constant need of repair due to Mika's frequent bursts of temper in which he punched through walls, Seba's vicious sleep-kicking, and Kurda's tendency to wake up, be unable to find the bathroom, then run around in blind panic knocking down everything in his way.

There were also fish to be caught, Harkat discovered the possibility one day when he was wading, and a group of fish of indeterminate species came up to him...and he just grabbed one out of the water. It seemed Harkat had a way with fish, because no one else had such luck. Mika spent 4 hours stabbing at them with his spear, and only managed to catch one. When Seba tried to fish, he became so frusturated that his screams and the banging of the chair eventually scared them away. Paris constructed himself a fishing pole, and spent many hours fishing off an outcropping of rock located on the cliffs on the North end of the beach. He did get several nibbles on the line, but the occured during the 90% of the time he spent sleeping. And Kurda just couldn't seem to fathom why anyone would want to touch a fish, let alone eat it. So the fishing was left to Harkat who supplied enough fish to ensure a balanced diet. A breakfast ration generally included a small goat steak, a handful of assorted berries, and a half a spiky fruit which had been revealed to be non-poisonous when tested on Kurda.

To make a long story short, everyone was alive and mostly well....

***

"I hereby declare a meeting!" Larten yelled shortly after brunch was completed one morning.

"Sounds good!" Harkat gasped in relief. Island life was not suiting the Little Person, the constant tension worried him, and he pined for his bestest friend Darren.

"K one sec I gotta fix my hair!" Kurda called.

Mika coughed something that sounded like, "Meetings are bullshit."

"Everyone, please assemble at the Rock." Larten demanded. "Harkat, bring the coconut."

Harkat was one step ahead, he had grabbed the coconut a second after the meeting had been announced. Whether anyone remembered the Law of the Coconut would soon be revealed.

"To start our meeting, I would like to congratulate each and every one of us on surviving thus far. This has not been an easy period of time for any of us, and we have all put forth a commendable effort, and I am very proud to know you all."

Seba then picked that moment to loudly proclaim that converting to cannibalism might be an option.

"...Proud to know the majority of you, anyway." Larten added as an afterthought. "I would like to suggest we continue our current lifestyle, until the situation changes."

"Bullshit." Mika coughed again.

Arrow softly punched him in the shoulder and muttered, "Shutthehellup."

"YOU SHUT THE HELL UP AND DON'T TOUCH ME!" Mika roared, rounding on Arrow and shoving him backwards into the sand.

"When did you get so evil?" Arrow grunted. He would have loved to strangle his bastardly best friend, but managed to restrain himself due to Larten's insistence to get the meeting over with.

First, Larten asked the group if they had any questions. The coconut circulated.

"Can we put in a spa?" asked Kurda.

"When's Darren...gonna get here?" Harkat sniffled, even though he knew the answer.

"Can we build a cage in which to insert wrongdoers?" Seba wanted to know.

Larten snatched the coconut back with some difficulty.

"No, soon, and bad idea. Are there any other questions? If not, we will move on. Does anyone have any suggestions on how we can improve life here?" He tossed the coconut to the first raised hand, Paris.

"I think we need to procure some new food bowls. The current ones are getting mouldy."

"All in favour of carving new bowls?" said Larten.

Everyone but Mika raised their hands.

"Motion passed. We will carve new bowls when the meeting is adjourned. Anything else?"

Kurda took the coconut.

"K, umm, so we need Spa Day, like maybe once a week, or more, or every other day, or once a day, or twice?"

"What does a Spa Day involve?" Larten inquired to humour the stereotypical blonde.

"Ummm, k, soo we need to start with mud masks to soften the skin and open the pores, those stay on for like, an hour. While theyre on, we can like, have manis and pedis, and then soak by the waterfall, then we can like, give each other back massages, and then we can finish off with a hair care session!"

Larten smiled and nodded in an effort to look like he understood.

"All in favour of a weekly Spa Day?"

Harkat and Seba raised their hands.

"Motion not passed. Sorry, Kurda."

Kurda wiped his nose on a leaf and sighed miserably.

"Are there any other suggestions before we adjourn the meeting?"

"Yeah." Mika snapped. "I agree with Seba, we need a better punishment system for whoever gets out of line. But not a cage."

"What do you have in mind?" Arrow snorted.

"You guys don't...have the coconut!" Harkat gasped in horror.

"I was thinking, you break one rule, you sleep in the forest. Deep in the forest. Break two rules, you spend a week in the forest."

"We might not...be here for...a week. Darren is...coming, remember? And you...don't have the...coconut!" Harkat panicked.

"You break three rules, you're off the island for good. And I don't see you holding the coconut either, Harkat." Mika snarled.

"Mika Ver Leth, that is ridiculous and uncalled for!" Paris howled in fury. "This island is a republic, not an empire! And even if it was, we voted that Larten is chief, not you! Now sit down and be quiet."

"You first, old man." Mika glared. "The time for sitting down and shutting up is over. If we want to survive this place, we have to change things. Starting with new rules that actually get enforced! That is, if we want to have half a hope of surviving till Darren gets here, which will most likely never ever happen."

This statement caused Harkat to burst into sobs.

"Who are you and what have you done with Mika?" Arrow yelled, standing up to confront his evil best friend. "What is wrong with your brain?"

"Ignore him Arrow, he's not worth the time. If Darren comes and takes us home, maybe he will go back to normal...maybe." Larten muttered unhappily.

"That's what you don't understand." Mika snapped. "This _is _normal. This is SURVIVAL! So this is what it comes down to. You can all stay here on the beach and build sandcastles till you starve to death or get carried off by bugs, or you can join my tribe, and live out the rest of your lives at the top of the food chain. We could own this island!"

"You're crazy." said Arrow.

"He is a GENIUS!" Seba shrieked. "I knew I produced excellent students!"

"Seba, I am your student!" Larten wailed, sounding insulted beyond belief.

"IF YOU WANT TO JOIN THE ANTI-BUGS TRIBE, STAND OVER HERE!" Seba bellowed.

Mika rolled his eyes as though dissapointed that Seba of all people had taken up the task of promoting his tribe, but did not disagree.

"I don't wanna get carried away by bugs, I'm coming!" Kurda announced, hiding beside Seba.

"I don't like you at the moment. But I'd rather be in your gang then get beaten up by your gang." Paris sighed miserably.

"Harkat, Arrow, Larten. You know what you need to do." Mika sneered threateningly. "You can't survive all by yourself on this little beach."

"We...can...and...we...will!" Harkat hyperventilated.

"Would it help you to know my fortress is stocked with iPods, partially wrecked TVs, orthopedic reclining chairs, about 2 weeks worth of actual food, and just enough other stuff to keep us comfy and happy for an extended period of time." Mika added with an evil smile.

"I don't...believe you!" Harkat replied vindictively. "There are no such things on this island!"

"Really, of all the planning and screwing around you guys do, nobody ever thought to go back and check what's left of the plane? And you wonder why you're all doomed!"

Harkat stared long and hard at Mika. Then down at his feet. Then with an expression of self-loathing, he went to stand by Mika, Kurda, Paris, and Seba.

"I'm sorry!" he sniffled.

"Don't worry about it." said Arrow kindly. Then he turned back to Mika. "You disgust me."

"You wish you were me." Mika shot back.

"Never."

"You'll wish you were smart enough to join my tribe when the seagulls are picking the meat off your bones. You two won't last a day on your own."

"Mika...you don't have to go all Evil Island Emperor on us. There's a better way."

The dark Prince locked eyes with his old friend for a moment. For a second, his glare softened and he looked like his old grumpy, but not bloodthirsty, self.

"Remember me? I'm your best friend." Arrow continued sadly.

But Mika's face hardened again.

"Friends don't keep you alive. You know what keeps you alive? FRESH MEAT. My tribe, we're moving out. Goat hunt, right now!"

And Mika, Seba, Harkat, Paris, and Kurda departed, leaving Arrow and Larten standing alone, with the discarded coconut lying in the sand several feet away.

* * *

Hmmm... didnt really enjoy that one as much as others. I hate writing Mean Mika. But maybe you did, so review!

*Roxxy,


	15. So Apparently Life Sucks

Heey... looky who updated twice in 5 minutes. Haahh i love suprising myself.

Well, Summer officially starts for me tomorrow. Not summer vacation, but the entire esscence of everything that makes summer SUMMER for me, begins tomorrow. Tomorrow, double-weekly practice officially begins. (and it's a horse thing which you probably dont understand) So ill lose one night's worth of time to write (which doesnt seem like a lot, but I've always made good progress on thursdays)

Oh, and Im officially addicted to the show Criminal Minds. I have a lot of watching to do to catch up. I generally use it to reward myself for good writing.

Anyway, yeah, i guess onto this chapter! It's not one of the great ones, its kind of a bridge between 2 important parts. Anyyyway.

* * *

When a person or a Vampire wakes up after drinking themself into a coma and and finds themself face-down on the deck of a large ship surrounded by seawater, usually they begin to panic. Luckily, Darren skipped the panic stage. When he peeled his face off the deck, he was gripped with a dull feeling of resignation to the fact that he was pretty much either going to drag his friends back to civilization within the next few days, or simply die at sea. With that thought, he stumbled back into the control-room thing, where he marvelled at how he got this far.

An investegation of the huge flatscreen GPS mounted into the wall revealed that he was located in the middle of a huge blue nothing. Not good. In the beginning states of panic, he zoomed out until a green blob began to ooze onto the screen. Thankfully, the blob was labelled Florida. Now for the island... (he certainly hoped his drunken self hadn't imagined hearing about an island)...zooming out...zooming out...zoom-ahah, there it is. _Mother of Pants, it's freakin tiny... _His little child-Vampire heart sank like a rock. What were the chances his friends survived whatever happened to the plane, much less made it onto that tiny blob...

Depressively, he wandered over to the little beer fridge in the corner of the control room. It was completely packed with strawberry-kiwi juice boxes. _Harkat`s favourite! _he remembered with a sniffle. What if Harkat didn't live to drink another juice box? What if Kurda didn't live to see the purple shower curtain he'd ordered on eBay before leaving? What if Mika didn't live to rip the curtain down and strangle Kurda with it? What if Arrow didn't live to drive his Hummer ever again? What if the last thing Seba deemed "Abomination!" was the plane as it crashed into the ocean dooming them all? What if Paris's 800+ years ended because Darren was stupid enough to force them on vacation? And worst of all... what if Larten died thinking Darren was a terrible student?

But what if they were alive...and what if they died because Darren gave up? That possibility was too gruesome to comprehend!

_Vampires can survive! _It made sense drunk and it made sense sober. They WERE freakin alive, and Darren would rescue them if it killed him!

So he sat and waited for Paris's voice to return and guide him, but after several minutes he figured that feature was only available when he was inebriated out of his mind. So he proceeded to spend about hours fuddling with the satellite GPS automatic programming unit until his course was set for the Little Green Blob. Then he sat back and listened to the weatherman on the satellite radio talk about the incoming tropical storm. Oh joy.

***

Since Mika's hostile takeover of the Island, life had changed drastically. The dark and evil emperor ruled the North end of the beach, which was a cluster of large and sharp boulders protruding out into the water, complete with a 70-foot cliff overlooking the ocean on one side. Mika had made himself a little throne with one of the reclining chairs taken from the wreckage of the plane, surrounded by Harkat and Kurda who were full-time umbrella holders to provide shade. Seba kept watch on a little rock above the living area which gave him a 360 view of the surrounding area. And he was ready to fling pineapples (nobody wanted to eat them) at any who dared to enter or leave without permission. And Paris had the task of preparing food and cleaning up after meals. He had also taken it upon himself to monitor the weather, to determine whether or not a more adequate shelter should be seeked. And to complete the homey environment, on a lage smooth rock, likenesses of Larten and Arrow had been roughly sketched with a burnt stick. Underneath the phrase, WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE.

One humid evening, he looked up at the rapidly approaching wall of black clouds which appeared to be coming straight towards the Island and decided this could be a problem. He calmly wandered over to Mika's throne.

"Mika, I need a word."

He was ignored.

"I know you can hear me. I'm not demented."

Mika shot an evil look at Harkat, who gazed sadly at his feet, and recited:

"All formal questions...must be processed...through secretarial staff.

Paris refrained from ripping his beard out. "There's a big-ass storm coming and we'll get washed away if we stay here. We need to retreat further down the beach where our safety will be ensured."

"That was like, not proper question format. You application has been demised!" Kurda declared.

"_Denied_, Kurda...the word is..._denied_." Harkat mumbled.

"Can we get the hell off these rocks before we all get eaten by a huricane?" Paris demanded. "I do believe that is proper question format.

"Thank you...your question...has been...processed."

Kurda and Harkat leaned in to mutter controversially with Mika. After several seconds, Kurda looked back up at Paris.

"Your question has been deemed ir...ir..."

"_Irrelevant_." Harkat supplied.

"Yeah, so have a nice day!" Kurda concluded with a wave.

"Mika, you're going to kill us all. I hope you know that." Paris sighed.

At this point, a secret signal was passed on to Seba, and Paris had a pineapple thrown at his head.

***

Several hours later, the wind was blowing so strongly that Harkat (still on umbrella duty) kept getting lifted off his feet, and had to tie himself to a rock for safekeeping (while still holding the umbrella, so he was suspended several feet of the ground, making him eye-level with everyone else). Thunder and lightning was constant, sounding, looking and smelling disturbingly close by. Paris' beard was a total disaster, and he had to tie it in a knot to keep it out of his eyes.

"MIKA, IS IT IRRELEVANT NOW?" he tried to yell, but a large hunk of sand blew into his mouth, so it sounded like, "MGUH, EGGUS URGULAR NOUGH?"

"THIS IS JUST A LITTLE BREEZE!" the Island Emperor snarled.

"We're gonna diiieeee!" Kurda howled, clinging to his umbrella for dear life as the punding rain gave him the appearance of a drowned Barbie doll.

"Kurda...you're...going...to...get...electrocized...or electriplied...or whatever...that...word...is!" Harkat gasped. "Drop...the...umbrella!" Harkat now dropped his own umbrella, which caused him to drop onto the hard ground.

"Psshhh, electricity is a myth Darren cooked up so we would not play with the toaster." Seba gurgled as a palm frond whipped past his mouth. "When I was your age, a little wind like this was nothing, we simply slept through it!"

"Seba, I would seriously reccomend taking that chair off your finger before you get roasted alive. It's completely metal, you know."

Seba growled and scuttled away, mumbling about the abominative man-made obscenity that was metal.

***

Meanwhile, about a kilometer down the beach, Arrow and Larten were huddled in a little cave, waiting for the storm to end.

"I wonder if they've gone with Seba's idea and converted to cannibalism." Arrow muttered darkly. Larten smacked him on the head.

"Do not say such things. Mika is an honourable Vampire, he will soon realise that his idea is completely...erm..."

"Crackbrained."

"Sure, we shall go with that."

"And he won't realise it's crackbrained unless he wants to. He's THAT stubborn. Plus I'm pretty sure he wants to put our heads on sticks outside his camp by now."

"Oh. Well in that case, we shall simply wait in this pleasant little cave until Darren comes to fetch us."

"Good plan." Arrow yawned, shoving away the Iguana that was trying to lick his head, and lying down on the slimy, moss-covered rock.

"I do indeed miss that boy." Larten added sadly, making a moss pillow and lying down on the other side of the cave. But Arrow was already asleep.

***

"That Boy" was having quite a rough time at sea. Thankfully the automatic GPS was keeping him on course, but having to run outside and hurl off the side of the deck every 3 minutes was a less than desirable circumstance. And it didn't help that he couldn't see his own puke through the blinding rain, and every wave threatened to toss him off the side of the boat and turn him into shark snacks.

_If they're not alive when I get there, I'm going to kill them. _he groaned inwardly after the 15th or 16th puking session. Life was not loving Darren at the moment. He checked the GPS one last time, then booted it down to the parking garage to get dry and have a nap in his sunny yellow Jeep and try to maintain positive thoughts.

* * *

Mmmmhmm.

So, one more thing, if you can help me out. I got this little device called a Blackberry, which Im pretty sure is smarter than me. But it seems to have Word Processing capabilities, but when I try to transfer a document onto it, it shows up but it wont let me open it... if i can get past this, then i can write anywhere but underwater. I neeeed to get this figured out, due to a time sensitive contest and an extremely competitive streak. Anyway, I digress. I tend to do that. Which is a sign of how tired I am, sooo,

Byyye! Ps, please read n vote for my contest entry :) i haavvee cookieeeessss.

*Roxxy,


	16. Pool Boy!

Ohhmg I missed my good ol TVF. This story is nearing completion, but never fear. As soon as it's done, Ill finish converting my contest entries into TVF chapters and keep the Summer Sizzler fic rockin'. (also, I am accepting suggestions for a different title for that one.)

The blurb on me...

...I dont have much to say here, I've been busy lately with a shitload of horse stuff but I gotta say I've been putting some decent effort into writing this week. I added a chap to Arrow (not like anyone other than 2 people bothered to review, but whatev?) so Im assuming everyone is just crazy busy with school. Everyone I know certainly is, but I however would rather enjoy life xD

This chap...

...is pretty short. It's kind of a bridge to the climax, I guess ya could say. Also, we switch POV's more times than necessary. Anywhee...

* * *

"Pool boy. Pool boy! I SAY, POOL BOY! OVER HERE. Charna's guts, that took you long enough. Does this towel look perfectly square to you? Does it? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, TOWELS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE RECTANGULAR? I DEMAND AN EVEN DISPERSAL OF TOWEL OVER MY PERSON! YES I WANT YOU TO BRING ME ANOTHER! AND YES YOU DRIVELLING IDIOT, I DEMAND IT TO BE SQUARE! GOD HELP YOU IF YOU BRING ME ANOTHER RECTANGLE. My goodness Darren, do you call this service? Next time you pick a five-star resort, it better damn well have more than five-star service. I cannot believe this. _Rectangular towels... _HEY! OTHER POOL BOY! YES YOU! BRING ME AN EXTRA LARGE ICED COFFE. AND NOT ONE OF THOSE ICE CAPP ABOMINATIONS! Charna's Guts I am spending too much time with Seba. AND MAKE IT MOCHA FLAVOUR! GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND ANY OF THAT CARAMEL NONSENSE! Yes, Darren. Someday you will learn, quality means service, and sevice means quality, yes..."

"Plb...Poolb...Pooool boyyy...gimmea square towel...no 'tangular...nd iced coffee...nooo I will not say _please_...good service, Darren, good service..." was what Arrow heard as be observed his cave-buddy, apparently enjoying a very deep slumber.

"I hate you when you dream." Arrow grunted, shoving moss in his ears and attempting to go back to sleep. Between the thunder, the cold, the wet, the creeping things in the dark, the irritating iguana who had taken a liking to Arrow, and Larten's incessant sleep-talking, Arrow had barely gotten 5 minutes of sleep in the almost 48 hours they'd spent hiding in the Godforsaken cave, hoping they wouldn't be found by their dear friend Mika who seemed determined to kill them in the name of Survival. Surely he'd go back to his old self as soon as he saw reminders of civilization. All they had to do was hold on until Darren came to save their sorry, bug-bitten butts.

After several minutes of trying to tune out Larten's sleep-mumbles, Arrow gave it up and decided to take a peek outside.

He observed happily that it was no longer hurricane-ing outside, however happiness soon turned to unease, because this meant Mika's tribe would be hunting for them any time now.

_Surely they wouldn't hurt us_. Arrow mused. _Mika's certifiably insane, but the others wouldn't hurt us...would they? Depends on how good Mika is at brainwashing, I suppose._

Apparently, he was very good. Or maybe the tribe was simply suffering the after-effects of being stranded outside in a killer evil storm. Whatever the reason, nobody had even attempted to leave his camp, where they were trying to recover whatever shreds of dignity they had left.

Harkat had slipped into a deeper depression and was refusing to speak to anyone. He deeply missed being protected by his dear friend Arrow, but even more he missed his #1 BFFL Darren.

Kurda had given up trying to keep himself in pristine condition, and had taken to wandering around the campsite picking up various plants, sniffing them, then shredding them into bits.

Seba was obliviously having the time of his life, acting as Mika's second-in-command. His favourite hobby was distributing chair-beatings to anyone he deemed to be out-of-line.

Paris was simply resigned to the fact that he'd live out his final days on a little patch of jungle in the ocean surrounded by friends who had morphed into complete savages.

And Mika simply controlled the situation with evil glares.

Like now, for example.

"We're going hunting." he snapped at Paris and Kurda. "BIG game. But we're taking it alive."

"K." sniffed Kurda, too dirty and miserable to care.

Paris hoped Darren would arrive soon.

Arrow sat on the little beach in front of his and Larten's cave, located on the southern end of the island, in a corner a safe distance away from the main beach where Mika's tribe prowled. He scanned the endless oceanic horizon, desperately in search of a ship or a plane or a freakin hot air balloon, whatever.

_Water...water...little cloud...seagull...water...PLANE! WE'RE SAVED! WE'RE GOING HOME! WE'RE- wait nope it's another seagull...more water...hang on...A BOAT! WE'RE SAVED! WE'RE GOING HOME! wait nope it's a whale...water...clouds..._

Was his thought process as the minutes became hours. In fact, he kept watch so intently that when he was tackled from behind by a huge black beast, he had no chance.

_What a dream_. Larten pondered grumpily as he awoke (face-down on a moss pillow) from a long and somewhat satisfying slumber.

"The nerve of those pool boys, bringing me rectangular towels...honestly! How incredibly inconsiderate. Arrow, I say, Arrow! We should find sustinence before we starve to death. How did Mika kill the goats? Was it messy? If so, I say we can survive as vegetarians until we are rescued. Arrow? Charna's guts, if you were eaten by that iguana, I will be extremely upset. How this island disgusts me..."

Cursing Iguanas under his breath, Larten searched the cave and revealed no Arrow, so he wandered out to the beach.

No Arrow. However, there was a strange scuffled pattern in the sand, and a drop or two of BLOOD.

_Crap! Any day now, Darren..._

* * *

yeah, i MEANT it to be choppy! So there.

next chap will be up before too long :)

*Roxxy,


	17. Farewell Larten Crepsley

Heyhey, update.

I have legitimately been quite busy lately, summer's barely begun and i've had 5 horse shows, too many practices, etc. Lately it's been way too hot to make my brain work, so ive been spending hours in the pool, or lying on top of the freezer in the basement.

and this is the last chapter, and it was hard to write so i hope it's appreciated?

_

* * *

_

Daaaamn... did I just get run over by a tank? Am I dead? Is this heaven? Hey. I smell pineapples. Crud...THIS IS NOT HEAVEN! I feel like I'm tied to something...dude, do I have splinters in my back? Guh, I hate pineapples... Guess I should open my eyes now...

Arrow slowly cranked open his eyes.

"Crap." said he.

"Why hello." said Mika. "See Paris, I told you the pineapples would wake him up."

"If you hadn't knocked him out, he wouldn't have needed waking up." Paris grumbled.

"You're the one who insisted I take him alive." Mika snapped.

Arrow gulped.

"Any particular reason I'm here? I'm pretty sure it's still too early to resort to cannibalism."

"That's true. It is too early to eat each other." Mika agreed.

Arrow sighed.

"So we'll fatten you up until that time." said Mika simply.

Arrow gulped again.

"Naah I'm kiddin. Imma leave you tied to this post just for fun." said Mika happily. "Maybe poke you with a stick on boring days."

"Oh." said Arrow. Normally he would have treated the situation with more violence and less monosyllabic-ness, but at the moment his head was buzzing unpleasantly and he was fairly sure the sky wasn't pink, but according to his hallucinations it was. Plus he felt like his skull had been gang-raped by sledgehammers.

He looked around. From what he could seperate from the hallucinations, he figured he was about in the center of Mika's Tribe's camp, clearly tied tightly to a large wooden post that had once been a tree.

"HEEYYARROW!" a familliar voice squealed from somewhere to the left.

"Kurda? Hi." Arrow croaked in suprise. It had been so many hours since he heard the blonde's voice, he'd forgotten Kurda existed. Currently, Kurda was braiding several strands of grass together for no apparent reason. Arrow noted dismally that his hair looked extremely neglected. This was a bad sign.

"Ar..row...?" creaked another voice.

"Harkat." said Arrow unhappily. "What are you all still doing here?"

Harkat didn't say anything, other than a sad little, "I missed...you."

The Little Person was holding a half a coconut filled with something resembling fruit punch. He held it out to his bald and bound friend.

"Hand are kinda tied, Harkat. Sorry."

"Don't worry...I'll help."

Sweet Harkat attempted to reach up to Arrow's face to feed him the fruit punch, but since he was less than waist-height, he failed miserably. So he frowned, appeared to think deeply, then smiled as though a lightbulb had just gone on in his head.

And proceeded to splash the fruit punch directly on to Arrow's face. About 10 percent of the juice went in his mouth. 40 percent all over his face (including the inside of his nose, eyes and ears), 30 percent dribbling down his body, and the last 20 landed back on Harkat.

"Y'know, Harkat. I could have just given it to him." said Paris.

"No problem...someone wanna wipe juice outta my eyes?"

Paris obliged, using a leaf.

"How are things going over here?" Arrow inquired when he was slightly less sticky.

"Bad." said Harkat.

"Laaaame." grumbled Kurda.

"Less than desirable." Paris admitted, ambling over.

"WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING STANDING AROUND? THERE ARE FIRES TO BE BUILT, ROCKS TO BE POLISHED, AND SPEARS TO BE MADE! MAKE YOURSELVES USEFUL! DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THE PRISONER!" Seba shrieked in his usual manner. He did not appear changed by the situation. And his finger was still one with the airport chair.

"But...it's Arrow! He's our...friend!" Harkat whined.

This outcry earned him a whack of Seba's chair.

"Ow." Harkat said with a feeble glare, and went back to polishing a rock.

Then, Arrow noticed something. The camp was lacking a certain dark prescence. Where was Mika?

"Sooo...Where's Mika?" he inquired

"He has returned to the wilderness to hunt for the Orange Beast." Seba droned reverently.

"Huh? Orange Beas- Oh shitters. He's gonna kill Crepsley." Arrow groaned. And being tied to a post, there wasn't a whole lot he could do about it.

"Darren's coming _really_ soon, right?" said Kurda, sounding extremely uncomfortable.

"Yeah." Harkat added miserably.

Arrow squirmed against the ropes hopelessly.

"Seriously though. We can't let him kill Crepsley, so what are we gonna do about it?" he stated with as much calmness as he could muster.

"HE'S...GONNA...KILL...MRCREPSLEY?" Harkat gasped, more wide-eyes than usual.

"Duuuuh, Harkat. What did you think the Orange Beast was?"

"I...thought...it...was...a...euphamism...for...something!"

"What the heck could that possibly be a euphamism for?" Paris snorted.

"What's an eh...umm...gasm?" Kurda pondered.

"Euphamism, Kurda. Euphamism. It is a metaphor of sorts, to represent something else, usually a verb or noun. They really are quite fascinating, seeing as their possibilities are endless limited only by imagination, and their origin is fairly unknown, seeing at it has developed sporadically throughout the uses and abuses of the English language."

Kurda looked beyond stumped, and resorted to finger-combing his hair.

"That's great, Paris. Now we need a plan here. Anyone else think untying me would be a decent idea?" Arrow suggested.

"K." said Harkat, proceeding to examine the knots placed strategically so Arrow was unable to reach them. "They appear...to be approximately...as thick as...my arm...maybe more...definitley thicker...than my arm...they are made...of vine-plant things...braided together...hey! Wasn't Paris...making these yesterday?"

Paris looked deeply ashamed.

"I was not informed about the manner in which they would be put to use. Had I known they would be used for detaining Arrow, I would have used weaker materials. Mika simply told me, 'MAKE ROPES.'"

"No biggie." Arrow grunted. Actually, it was a biggie. A BIG biggie. "You guys have a sharp thing around here? Like a rock or a spear? Some sort of killing or maiming device?"

"Uhhhmmm...no." said Harkat.

Arrow gasped. "Are you telling me, that in Mika's tribe, there's not one single killing or maiming device? COME ON!"

"Oh, there is an abundance." said Paris. "But he took them with him when he went to hunt down Larten."

"Super duper!" said Arrow.

Harkat's eyes went wide in horror and disgust. He gave Arrow a good kick in the shins.

"Sarcasm, Mulds. Sarcasm."

"WHO'S HUNTING ME DOWN?" came a traumatized shriek from nearby.

4 heads turned. 1, Arrow's, attempted to turn, but his cranium collided with the side of the post while his neck recieved some serious rope burn, so he ceased his efforts.

None other than Larten Creplsey had burst through the foliage and was standing in the east end of the camp, beside the rock with his own "Wanted Dead Or Alive" image on it.

"MISTER...CREPSLEY!" Harkat hyperventilated.

"LARTEN!" Paris bellowed.

"L-CREPS!" Kurda squealed.

"The Orange Beast hath DARED return to defile our camp?" Seba gasped.

"LARTEN'S HERE?" Arrow hollered, desperately trying to free himself. No such luck.

"Yes, I am here! What in the name of Charna is going on?" Larten freaked.

"Do you _really_ want to know?" said Paris.

"Well, if you are going to say it in that tone, then I probably do not." Larten replied, glancing around shiftily. "Now could somebody please tell me where Arrow is? I know you jungle demons have taken him! Unless he simply wandered off in search of food..."

Before Arrow could alert Larten to his presence, he laid eyes on something extremely disturbing. Mika was creeping out from behind the trees, holding a spear at the ready. He glared at Arrow and made a "be quiet or die" motion, but Arrow had always had a little rebellious streak.

"CREPSLEY! RRRUUUUUUUUUUNNN!"

"Wha-OH MY GOOD-MIKA? WHAT ARE YOU-AAAAGGHH!"

And Crepsley bolted. Mika made a furious snarly sound and took off after him, pausing to whack Arrow on the head with the end of the spear. Within seconds, hunter and prey had taken off deep into the jungle. However, Larten's shrieks and Mika's bellowed threats remained detectable.

"Someone save Crepsley!" Arrow ordered, still immobile.

"I can be silent no longer." said Paris. "THE HUNTING MUST END!" and he took off after them.

"We...must...save...Mr...Crepsley...and...bring...back...Mika...and...wait...for...Darren...together...so...he...can...find...us!" Harkat announced, following Paris with as much speed as he could muster.

"Don't leave me alone with themmm!" Kurda whined, also giving chase.

That left Arrow and Seba.

"So, Seba...could you be a pal, and possibly help me outta here? I'll pay you in coconuts. I know how much trouble you have climbing up the tree to get them..."

Seba simply answered,

"The time for cannibalism is nearing."

and sauntered off in the direction of the others.

"Crap." said Arrow.

Meanwhile, deep in the jungle, Larten Crepsley was running like he'd never run before. He was fairly certain he was screwed, but he figured he'd at least put up a hell of a fight. However the jungle was not making it easy for him. He kept becoming hopelessly entangled in foliage, and even fell face-down in a mudpuddle after taking a nasty trip on a twisty root.

However, Mika was not doing any better, despite his significantly larger muscle mass. Muscles aren't a lot of help when you're up against trees that are three times as wide as your body. Not to mention the prickley thorny creeper things that kept encircling his neck. Of course, dumb ol' Crepsley had to run right through the thickest most unexplored area of the forest.

Mika could see the orange beast, scuttling along about 70 feet in front of him. Both were moving at approximately a snail's pace as they hacked, clawed, kicked, bit, and squirmed their way through the shrubbery. At one point, Larten appeared trapped in a pool of quicksand, and Mika was getting ready to go in for the takedown, but the black beast became hopelessly hung up in a web of vines, and within the 15 minutes he was stuck, Larten managed to free himself and carry on.

"I'LL GET YOU YET, ORANGE BEAST! YOU CAN RUN ALL YOU WANT BUT THIS ISLAND ISN'T THAT BIG!" Mika howled furiously.

"Pfft." said Larten.

Leaving Mika to thrash and roar in the bushes like a wild beastie, he carried on right through the mango grove, around the crocodile pond, past the bushes of deadly pink fruit, and eventually circled the base of Harkat Hill several times before escaping upwards.

Finally, he reached a fairly flat bit of ground, and broke into a sprint in an effort to put as much space as possible between himself and Mika. However, he didn't take into account a nearby log, and tripped over it mightily, french-kissing dirt.

Ick, said the dirt.

"Ithhck." spat Larten.

"OW." said the log.

Alarmed, Larten raised his head and glanced behind him. He was quite shocked to see Arrow lying on his side, tied very tightly to the log that has caused Larten to wipe out.

"Salutations, Arrow." said Larten in puzzlement. "Am I missing something?"

"Crepsley..." Arrow gasped. "I was...tied to the post...then you came...I friggen warned you...about Mika...then everyone left...so I broke the post...and hopped...all the way here...then I tripped...can't get up...now here...you are."

"Charna's guts, you sound like Harkat. Get up, we might need to fight for our lives. I have no idea where I am."

"Creps...untie...me..." Arrow wheezed.

Suddenly,

"I'M HAVING SHISHKABOBS TONIGHT!" Mika bellowed, leaping forth from the foliage. Larten yelped like Kurda, and took off up Harkat Hill.

This was where he made his first mistake.

First of all, Harkat Hill is A) nearly vertical, other than a path of grippy dirt (a migrating route for the wild goats), B) that's the only safe way up or down, C) the West side of Harkat Hill is a 300-foot drop into the ocean. With sharp rocks at the bottom.

But poor Larten was being chased by a beast wielding a spear, so for once in his life, he did not pause to consider the outcome of the situation.

He staggered upward through the vines and creepers, mudholes and iguana nests, tropical cactuses and clouds of stinging insects, a until he reached the summit.

What had once been a signal fire was now a muddy pit, but there was no time to re-kindle it now. Mika had begun hurling rocks in an effort to stop Larten's progress. Luckily, Mika seemed unable to run and aim at the same time. However, he was gaining steadily and Larten figured it was time to come up with plan b-

"AAAGGGHHH!" he shrieked suddenly, flinging himself backwards to avoid plummeting 300 feet into the ocean. "Who put that cliff there?" He'd ran himself straight to the edge of the world. Or at least the Island.

_You are screwed now. _The little voice in his head informed him politely.

Desperatly, he observed his surroundings. To the left, the forest (inacessible due to the lake of quicksand in front of it) To the right, air. Behind him, air. Somehow he'd gotten himself standing on the deadliest corner of the island. And in front of him, Mika was creeping closer, spear ready. Behind him, Harkat, Paris, Seba, Kurda, and a very muddy Arrow, who was still tied to the post. They all looked deeply hopeless, and their expressions stated clearly, "farewell, Larten Crepsley."

Mika drew closer, looking like the portrait of evil.

Larten did something he'd seen others do, but never attempted himself. He displayed both his middle fingers for all the world to see. This did not have quite the effect he desired, Mika simply chuckled and pointed his spear right at Larten's face, and prepared to stab...

* * *

LOLJK, this isn't the last chapter. 2nd last, maybe. Im eager to be done with this story. Really, i don't even like this chapter a whole lot. I hate writing Evil Mika, but can you see the similarities with Lord of the Flies now? lmaoo.

My other stuff will be updated...sometime... im itching to write a Harry Potter fic.. im re-reading all the books, and the next movie looks fuckin amazing.

Slytherin babyyy :)

Hope wherever you are isnt as friggen hot as here.

*Roxxy,


	18. I Thought I Lost You

Ive had his sitting for a while, it was going to be one superlong chapter, but i wanted this story to get moving so i decided to split it. Part 2 is already half done so it might be up before the weekend.

Im not sure if like this chapter but i didnt know how else to do it. what do you guys think?

This chappeh is dedicated to George Of The Jungle which was my favourite movie when i was...4? 5?I was crankin the theme music the whole time i was writing this...heh.

* * *

Larten closed his eyes and waited to be impaled. It was all over for him.

Then, suddenly,

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAHAHHH AHHHHHHH AHAHAHHHHAHHHHH!"

"What the hell was that?" Arrow snorted.

"It sounded like that disney movie we watched on that rainy Saturday back at the Mountain, when we were all civilized. What was it called? With the loin-cloth and the monkeys?" said Seba.

"Tarzan?" suggested Paris.

"Naah, it was George of the Jungle." Kurda disagreed.

"IT'S DARREN!" Harkat bellowed.

"Don't be stupid, it was definitley Tarz-HOLY SHIT!" Arrow burst out.

And out of the forest came a lone figure swinging from a vine and going "AAHHHH AAHAHHHHAAA AHAHAHAHAAAAA!"

Larten had no idea what hit him, literally. One second he was about to be impaled, the next second he was flying through the air. He looked upwards to observe his saviour.

"DARREN?"

"DARREN!"

"DAAAAARREEEEN!"

"DARREN'S HERE?"

"DARREN'S HERE!"

"I KNEW IT!"

"DARREN!"

Darren attempted to wave, but realised he could not hold the vine and Larten while maintaining a free hand, so instead of looking like Darren Of The Jungle, he plummeted 40 feet to the ground, and didn't have time to get up before he was swamped by hugs.

"GUYS!" he shrieked ecstatically. "I MADE IT!"

"You...came...I...knew...it...they...said...you...wouldn't...but...you...did...see...I...told...you!" Harkat freaked.

"I love you Darren!" Kurda sobbed, encircling him in a messy hug. "Did you bring any shampoo?" he added as an afterthought.

"Did you bring an elephant tranquilizer?" Paris inquired, ruffling Darren's hair affectionately. "Mika has a touch of jungle fever."

Speaking of Mika, he was currently observing the 7-Vampire pile up as though unsure whether or not to kill them.

"Never been so happy to see you, bro." Arrow sighed. "Where have you been all my life?"

Darren chuckled appreciatively and hugged him.

"This vacation is an abomination!" Seba moaned.

"Seba's a poet and doesn't know it!" Kurda sang.

Darren gasped in astonishment, Seba still had an airport chair attached to his finger.

"Buddy, look, I brought you something." said Darren sympathetically, sitting up and pulling the WD40 out of his pocket and handing it to Seba, who sniffed it.

"I better do this." Darren sighed, taking back the oil and pouring a substantial amount on both finger and chair. "You guys, hold him down." he directed Arrow and Larten. "Me and Harkat will pull the chair off."

Slowly and with a metallic creak, Seba's finger slid free of the chair. Larten examined it.

"It shall be swollen for a nice long while, but I belive you will survive." was his diagnosis. Then he turned to Darren.

"Darren. Darren, Darren, Darren." he sighed, in the tone that came before a lecture.

"Yeah?"

"COME HERE!" he pounced on his student and dragged him into the biggest hug he could possibly muster.

"I love you too, Mr. Crepsley." Darren panted when he was finally released.

"So. How the hell did you get here?" Arrow voiced what everyone was thinking.

"You'll hear about it on the news when we get to Florida." Darren replied with a sneaky smile.

"That's my boy." chuckled Arrow.

"Does anyone else...want to leave...this Island?" Harkat contributed.

"Hell yeah, just give me one sec." said Arrow. "Darren, where's that vine? Ah, here it is. Be right back."

Arrow then proceeded to chase down and tackle Mika heroically, and tie his wrists and ankles.

"Let's go home, bro."

"Grrrrrrrrr." said Mika.

"He'll be good as new once we get some Gatorade and cookies into him." Darren promised.

After quick and merry trek down Harkat Hill and back through the woods, the Gang (whole once again) arrived on the white sandy beach (which looked much prettier now that Darren was here) to see...

"Holy SHIT, HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!" Arrow gasped, losing his cool for a moment.

"Is that...a...BOAT?" Paris inquired, totally awe-struck.

"That looks like a floating country." Larten stated, failing to his his excitement.

"That wasn't even the biggest one." said Darren.

"Let me get this straight." said Kurda. "This boat has been parked here this WHOLE time, and NOBODY even NOTICED? WE COULDA GONE HOME LIKE 5 YEARS AGO!"

This comment earned stares of pure exasperation.

"Good thing we finally found it, eh Kurda?" Arrow rolled his eyes.

"Let's just go home." said Darren, managing to keep a straight face.

____

_Nobody listens to me  
Don't hear a single thing I've said,  
Say anything to soothe me,  
Anything to get you from my head  
Don't know how I really feel  
To fake the days and make it like I don't care  
Don't know how much it hurts  
to turn around like you were never there  
Like somehow you could be the break  
And I could walk away from the promises we made  
And swore we'd never break_

I thought I lost you when you ran away to try to find me  
I thought I'd never see your sweet face again  
I turned around and you were gone and on and on the days went  
I kept the moments that we were in  
And I knew in my heart you'd come back for me, my friend  
And now I got you  
I thought I lost you

I felt so empty out there  
And there were days I had my doubts  
But I knew I found you somewhere  
'cause I knew I couldn't live without  
You in my life for one more day  
I swore I never break the promises we made

I thought I lost you when you ran away to try to find me  
I thought I'd never see your sweet face again  
I turned around and you were gone and on and on the days went  
I kept the moments that we were in  
And I knew in my heart you'd come back for me, my friend  
And now I got you  
I thought I lost you

I've told myself I wouldn't sleep till  
I searched the world from sea to sea

I made a wish upon a star  
I turned around and there you were

Now here we are

Here we are  
I thought I lost you

(I thought I lost you, too)

I thought I lost you

I thought I lost you

Yeah

I thought I lost you when you ran away to try to find me  
I thought I'd never see your sweet face again  
I turned around and you were gone and on and on the days went  
I kept the moments that we were in  
And I knew in my heart you'd come back for me, my friend  
And now I got you  
But I thought I lost you

* * *

Yes that is a Miley Cyrus song i threw in there. Ive known ever since January that i was gonna incorporate it into the conclusion. Its basically a little insight into Darren's innocent mind.

Hope that was to your satisfaction. I tried to make it delightful and heartwarming. Deff hope it worked out.

Im almost back in the updating groove, but im off to **THE BIG ONE** this weekend, a 3 day team tournament that basically brings in the best in the province, so competition will be way more vicious than usual. But i have the best horse in the world so no biggie. xo

Reeview!


	19. Vampirates

So this is It. The End. The Grand Finale. The permanent deceasement of TVF.

LOLJK we still got that summer story to get through :)

So I had a pretty good weekend full of smokin' hot runs (i LOVE my horse!), a hazy saturday night with lots of lying in the grass, getting stuck in porta-potties, and falling down (i love alcohol) and of course chillin with my favourite non-Vampires. But of course the Vamps were there the whole time, and our adventures have inspired future events in the summer fic!

Funnily enough, the tournament was held in a little town called Paris. Tehe, Paris. xo :)

Imma spread some love since this fic is finally done...i havent done this in ages!

**TanyaRayne **aww hell, at least ya came back :) and of course he did! although i was beginning to have my doubts.

**Slytherin Queen 1.30 **omg thank you so much :D *blushes* jk im not a blusher. but thanks! :) and i lovee your pen name xo

**daylightvampire **tehe! Feral is indeed the word! Oh yes I most certainly am glad to be done with this monster...but it's been fun :D

**ferretgirlsz **thank you sweetheart :) your goodluck was indeed with me.

**I-Love-Mika-And-Gavner **yay :D i love when people get hyper and almost piss themselves cuz of something i wrote...xo!

**Peridot Tears **YES! THE IGUANA HAS A FOREVER HOME! :D xo your reviews make me so happy :) Omg I remember the good old days of Squirrelflight butting in on Vampires On Vacation..

and thats just for the last chapter, the last several have also had some amazing reviews that i will treasure till im dead and maybe even after that!

On to the end!

* * *

Walking across the beach was the easy part. The hard part came when it was time to swim out several hundred feet and climb the ladder up into the boat. Since there was nowhere to dock, running onto the vehicle ramp wasn't an option.

Before they even entered the water, Mika escaped and attempted to sprint across the beach back into the woods. However his ankles were still tied so he managed to take several mighty hops before he wiped out face-down in the waves, howling muffled profanity. Then Seba made a comment about sharks, and this caused Kurda to strongly and loudly oppose getting in the water. However, with some encouraging words by Harkat, a snappy pep-talk by Larten, a promise that sharks only eat seaweed by Paris (he had his fingers crossed behind his back, but Kurda bought it) and some shoving and punching by Arrow, everyone eventually made it to the boat. Despite Seba almost drowning and taking Darren down with him, the Gang had never been in a better mood as they hauled ass up the ladder. The climb was unexpectedly physically demanding, but it was worth it the moment they all flopped onto the deck.

"Ohh...my...EEEEK!" Kurda squealed. "When the safety rails and the life rafts are colour-coordinated, you just _know_ there's a gift shop somewhere!"

"Look at the big frickin' spinny thing!" Arrow yelled appreciatively, looking over the side at the propeller.

"This could be classified as an abomination." Seba groaned, not liking how the boat rocked in the waves.

Darren wondered how he could possibly raise the impossible heavy anchor who's chain had almost snapped him in half when he'd lowered/dropped it.

"I WANNA GO HOME!" Mika bellowed, trying to fling himself overboard.

"We are going home, idiot. We don't live on the friggen island." Arrow snapped. "We live in Vampire Mountain, remember? VAMPIRE. MOUNTAIN."

Darren had an idea.

"Yoo, Mika. If you help us pull the anchor up first, you can go back to the Island."

Mika dragged the anchor up with a few quick yanks, and the proceeded to leap off the side of the boat. Unfortunately for him, Arrow and Darren grabbed his ankles just in time, and Mika smashed face-first into the side of the boat.

Once Mika was secure again, Darren hustled everyone up to the control room where he proudly showed them the complex panel of instruments he'd used to navigate the ship right into this very spot.

"Oh please, Darren. This is a peace of easy pie." said Paris.

Darren decided to figure out if real-life Paris was as smart as drunken-hallucination Paris.

"Aight, Smartyparis. How do we get back to civilization?"

Paris took a deep breath and recited:

"Green button. Then pull the lever till it's on the red square. And don't forget the steering wheel. When you get to open water, you can program your destination into the built-in GPS, then put it on cruise control."

"How you knowin that, Paris?" Darren questioned, considerably more sober than last time he said it.

"I sailed around the world once, when i was 152. Took about a week."

"They had GPS and cruise control back then?"

"Nah. I'm just terribly terribly itelligent."

No one could figure out why Darren found this so humorous.

"We've already had this conversation!" Darren giggled, hugging Paris tightly.

"Whatever you say, Darren..." said Paris, returning the gesture.

Several minutes later,

"Darren, is the fact that you havent let go yet a way of asking me if I can pretty please drive the boat back to wherever it came from and let you have some relaxation?"

Darren grinned widely. "The adress is still in the GPS."

"Good thing I like boats." said Paris happily, immediatey fiddling with the sonar maps, cruise control, GPS, locational computing devices, and pulling and flicking various knobs and levers. Finally, he gave the wheel a good crank to the left, and the boat executed a sharp right turn which flung everyone else into the wall.

"Charna's guts, warn us before you do that." Larten grunted, unearthing himself from under Seba who appeared to be literally holding back vomit.

"By doing this?" said Paris, pulling a handle.

_HAAAAWWWNNKKKK, _said the boat.

Seba screamed almost as loud as the horn, and banged his head against the wall. Arrow and Harkat demanded a turn with the horn, and soon they were using it to compose a new song in which lyrics were unecessary.

Paris got right into the art of boating, and managed to get it going twice as fast as Darren had on the way there, and even used the GPS-enabled on-board computer to book dinner reservations at Mr. Frog's Luau for when they arrived in Florida.

Once things were really rolling, Darren sat down in the Assistant Captain's chair, and waited for his friends to go nuts and do typical boating activities (such as climbing poles and ladders until they were 100 feet above the deck, dangling over the side, throwing each other overboard, hijacking lifeboats, that sort of thing). But instead, they all suprised him by-sitting down and making themselves comfortable? Darren felt compelled to ask, "Who are you and what have you done with my Vampires?" but he decided to just go with it for now.

Arrow's head still didn't feel quite right from when Mika tackle-captured him. It was badly bruised in one spot, he had quite a headache, and was still seeing a pink sky. He found an ice-pack in the fridge beside the juice boxes, dug a mound of blankets out of a little closet beside the bathroom, wrapped himself up, and settled down in a beach chair.

Harkat joyously chugged 7 strawberry kiwi juiceboxes then managed to stay awake for long enough to grab a little blanket, then curled up under Arrow's chair for what looked like the happiest sleep of his life.

Darren allowed Mika to play with the sonar-operated fish-finding radar system, and he became so fascinated he forgot all about being an Evil Island Emperor and was soon lying flat on th floor snoring even louder than Seba.

Kurda started brushing his hair with a fork, but fell asleep halfway through with his head on Seba's shoulder, who had dozed off mid-complaint. Larten got himslf as far away from Mika as possible and slept in the corner with a ornamental harpoon he'd pulled off the wall, just in case. But there seemed to be no need to fear Mika any longer, as he was curled up on the floor in a very cute manner.

And Paris looked to be nicely in control of the ship, so Darren felt it was finally time to lean his head on the control panel and -

_...snore..._

For the first time in days, his dreams weren't haunted by sandcastle-building Harkat, surfing Mika, beach-reading Paris, hula-skirted Kurda, sunscreen-applying Larten, tourist-punching Arrow, and ice cream truck-attacking Seba.

And he slept in perfect peace until Harkat accidentally spilled a strawberry-kiwi juicebox in his ear.

Yes, they'd all woken up, Darren determined as he got up and looked around. Like toddlers after a sugar crash, they'd regained their energy and were climbing up the walls. Quite literally, in the case of Mika and Arrow who were searching for the "secret ammunition room" which they seemed certain that "ALL boats had. I mean, what's a boat without a freakin cannon?"

"Is this a pirate ship?" Kurda inquired. "It has a map that shows where the treasure is buried!" he pointed happily at a framed map up on the wall, which seemed to show the Florida coastline, with X's to mark where the best hotels were.

"Yeah, Kurda." said Mika, sounding like his old grumpy-but-not-evil self. "It's a pirate ship with computerized navigation and a cafeteria."

"THERE'S A CAFETERIA?" Harkat gasped.

"It's a boat for transporting large amounts of humans, Harkat. Of course there's a place to consume mass amounts of junk food. Humans are pigs."

"I wouldn't talk there, Mr. Ver Leth. How many times have we, especially you, trashed food venues?" said Paris.

Mika rolled his eyes in his special little way.

"We're pirates." Kurda declared.

"Yarr matey, booty, plundering, walk the plank, and all that." Seba blabbered.

"Vampirates." Darren added with a giggle.

"And a...Little Pirate!" Harkat interjected.

"I already made us a flag!" Kurda squealed delightedly, holding up a hot pink handkerchief he'd dug out of a drawer beneath the computer. On it, he'd drawn a skull, only instead of cross-bones, there appeared to be hair straighteners.

"No Kurda, you made _you_ a flag." said Arrow. "Lets do this right. We'll make a legit Vampirate flag. Harkat, please bring me that, that, and that." he requested, pointing at a bouquet of colourful flags in the corner of the control room. If there was one thing ships had no shortage of, it was flags.

It took quite a bit of scissoring, gluing, arguing, and pre-planning to create a personalized Vampirate flag, and when the first one was nearing completion, Seba became sea-sick all over it. Then it became necessary to start over.

By the time the Vampirates raised their new coat of arms on the highest level of the ship, the Floridian coastline was in site.

"And we didn't even get to plunder anyone." Kurda sniffed sadly.

Harkat patted his elbow. "But we have...a cooler flag...than actual pirates."

The flag depicted a skull with Vampire teeth (suggested by Paris to fool the little humans into believing Vampires actually had fangs.) in the middle of an Escalade logo.

"I miss our Essie." Darren sighed, observing the flag as he leaned against the navigational computer.

"I miss my Hummer." Arrow added.

"I forgot you obtained one of those abominations-SWEET CHARNA, I MUST STOP USING THAT WORD!" Larten flipped.

"Are you gonna miss the boat, Paris?" Darren inquired. Paris was indeed having an excellent time.

"I don't have to miss it. It's coming back to Vampire Mountain with us." Paris announced perkily.

"I know we miraculously transport a lot of unlikely items up to the Mountain, but really, how do you plan on getting THIS there?" Larten snorted.

"Well it will be docked at the nearest port to the Mountain, but I will legally own it. I had a little conversation with the company who owns it via the radio while you were napping." the ancient Prince informed them. "I said some things that I am not proud of, but the boat is now legally mine." he concluded as though that was the end of the matter. Darren didn't want to know anyway.

"Also, future Festivals of the Undead will be held at our Island and we will be using this boat to transport the entire Vampire population to said Island." he added as an afterthought.

"WHAT?" said Mika, Arrow, and Larten in unison.

"I didn't say anything." said Paris quizzically. "Go about your business."

Mika, Arrow, and Larten looked at Paris suspiciously. Harkat blew a bubble in his juice box. Kurda used a screwdriver as a nail file. Seba muttered about walking the plank.

And Darren was absolutely the happiest Vampirate on earth. He had his own boat. He had a unique flag. He had his crew back. He was thinking all these cheezy thoughts to himself and figured he just might explode from delight.

And then Harkat (who had been fish-watching) fell overboard and barely managed to save himself by grabbing the side handle. He dangled there while Mika bellowed at Kurda for not supervising him, Arrow tried to save Harkat but was shoved overboard by Seba who was on a furious rampage after discovering they were docking at Florida rather than home. Arrow screamed like he was being stabbed, Larten yelled, "HE CANNOT SWIM!" and flung the rescue floater over the side, but it whacked Harkat in the noggin and he plummeted into the water beside Arrow and shrieked similarly. He apparently had a crippling fear of jellyfish. Mika picked Kurda up and hung him over the side by his ankles, using him as a living rescue rope.

Darren wondered if it was too late to take them back to the Island.

* * *

And there you have it. CAN NOT believe this was supposed to be a short New Year's celebratory fic. Wowie wow wow. This has officially been the longest and most-reviewed thing I have ever written.

I wanted to expand on the Vampirate concept, but meh. Maybe in a later story.

Love you guys! See ya at the next update of the summer fic! Which is yet to recieve a better title btw.

xoxo

*Roxxy,


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